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287

Every time I think I've finally accomplished a simple goal without some great obstacle, it seems I always find something in the way.

[use left-right cursor keys to turn pages, or click on the arrows at the top and bottom of each page]

286
  • Hey dude, go see if you can talk to your wife and see if you can calm her down a bit, before her bad mood spreads and everyone is just angry and shit. It wont do your place any good.
    A happy worker is an efficient worker.

  • Yessssssssss

288

Muschio:

Hey dude, go see if you can talk to your wife and see if you can calm her down a bit, before her bad mood spreads and everyone is just angry and shit. It wont do your place any good.
A happy worker is an efficient worker.

...what.

  • Ignore him.
    Ask about locating and identifying Totems.

  • Poor Muschio.

    Well, nothing to do but work towards a better future. Lets find some place to get ourselves a manakin.

  • You know. Finesse. She seemed upset. Go get her in a good mood again. Don't be a buster, Muzzles.

  • Aw don't be so down Muschie~
    Even the greatest of empires was built one stone at a time.

    So lets get to steppin' and see if we can't find a mannikin!
    ...but first I think your chest is leaking over there...

  • Yo, bro, your chest be leakin'.

289

Muschio:

Finesse. She seemed upset. Go get her in a good mood again.

That was four days ago.

  • Good lord, what have you been doing.

  • WELL FUCKING WAY TO GO IF YOU LEFT HER IN A BAD MOOD FOR FOUR FUCKING DAYS
    WHY YOU GOTTA BE A BUSTA, HOLMES
    GO RUB THAT PUSSY THE RIGHT WAY, RIGHT NOW

  • Okay you might want to recap what's been happening since the failed portal whatsit.

  • ...My apologies. Well, have that carpenterbold build you a bed already.

  • Then what's the situation now?
    Manakins acquired?
    Minions happy?
    Dungeon extended?

  • Stop saying words, the Boss is feeling down.

  • Dude. Your treasure chest. Leaking. Dripping. Not cool.

    ALSO FUCK FOUR DAYS WAT

  • ... what's dripping out of your chest?

  • Eh, sorry, we don't have a good sense of time in here.
    But anyways! We've got a mannikin to find! Go and see if any of your minions knows anything useful!

  • <~TG_Weaver> everyone better shut the fuck up about the chest
    <~TG_Weaver> it's been like that since we first saw it

  • cool emphasis fail bro

290

Muschio:

HER BAD MOOD IS NOT MY CONCERN.
I have bigger things to worry about.

Very little has happened in the last few days. Tislomer set up an herbalist's workshop in the back tunnel and we removed the spear trap and relocated the pedestal. I can now purchase potions from him at a premium and both kobolds are producing a small income in the form of trade goods.

Finesse has been spending most of her time in the workshop of conversing with the Kobolds.
I've spent most of my time in here.
It's not as though we had much to discuss.

  • FINE! We need to find a mannikin, then. ASK FINESSE WHERE WE MIGHT BE AB;E TO GET ONE.

  • And you are completely correct Boss.

    So. Lets go find us a mannikin. Fetch out that world map again, let's see if we can't find a place that might have one on hand.

  • And ask if she has any Mannakin preference.

    Now up, up up up. Quit moping about and get up! I'm not your mother.

  • Even if you don't have any leads just go out and get some fresh air.

  • Muzzles why you such a busta. :(
    Chick just wants some love. Don't tell me you're not lonely.
    Be sure to give her some time when you're done with your manikin.

  • You are PITIFUL. Just lying there, wallowing in your misery. Do something useful, for a change. Like acquiring tools for renovation.

  • Well, get up then!
    We've got work to do!
    Let's see if Finesse knows where we might locate a mannikin... or at least where we might find out where to locate one.

  • That's not the Muschio I know, where's the fire? Where's the passion?

    We have great plans, and high goals, of course there will be set backs.
    Now pick yourself up and get to work, we have a kingdom to conquer.

    First up, where do we obtain a manikin?
    Second of all, morale is always your business, we want loyal subjects.

    If she's not in a foul mood, thats all fine. But we need to make sure they won't run off the moment things get ugly, or if someone with a bigger purse walks by.

  • I'm guessing that the small knickknacks we found aren't mannikins, so ITS OUR JOB TO FIND A FAIRY GROVE AND PLUNDER IT

291

Muschio:

Muzzles why you such a busta. :(
Chick just wants some love. Don't tell me you're not lonely.
Be sure to give her some time when you're done with your manikin.

You are PITIFUL. Just lying there, wallowing in your misery. Do something useful, for a change. Like acquiring tools for renovation.

You are PITIFUL

You are in no position to give me further grief! You think this is all my fault? YOU disappeared for four days and you expected me to just be fine on my own? I have absolutely no idea where I misplaced you and then you just show up back on my desk to greet me this morning?
You're MY psyche, and wicked as you may be, MY psyche you will stay. I don't want to think what kind of trouble you'd stir up if you fell into some gullible badaud's hands!
Gods.

And stop calling them Manakins. Clever as your play on words may be, they're called Mannikins. If you can note the difference, so can I!

  • Well fine, let us go find a MANNEQUIN. Whatever, they're pronounced mostly the same. As to where we have been...

    I have no fucking clue. Anyway, let's get moving. WORK TO DO, PLACES TO BE.

  • yeah, did you not eat for the past 4 days either because we didn't tell you what flavour jam to put on your toast?

    jeez

    LET'S GO ON AN ADVENTUREnya~

  • Exactly, we're only part of you, making you responcible for our actions.
    YOU misplaced us.

    Hell, I dont remember what even happend the past 4 days.

292

Muschio:

Hell, I dont remember what even happend the past 4 days.

I feel like I've only been getting bits and pieces of it myself.
Some of these echoes are... DEEPLY CONFUSING, to say the least.

I don't even HAVE a sister.

  • Something with a frog, I think?

    Anyway we're here now, keep a better grip and LET'S GO.

  • Ooooh...
    Temporal shenanigans, don't worry about that at all.

  • Hey boss, useful voice here.

    Since we're startin to get settled in, why not go out and try to recruit again? Getting an Ogre to guard the front door would certainly make sure any bothersome people stay out. Hell, getting more Kobolds could be good if only to get this place up and deadly.

  • Yeah, an ogre to guard the entrance and if anyone breaks in, he can rape them. Unless they find that magic invisibility ring, that is.

  • An Ogre would be usefull to work on the rock walls, and perhaps expand our laire.

    However, will we be able to afford an orge, and even then, will it be worth it?

  • Ask the hirelings for any rumors as to the possible whereabouts of a mannikin.

  • 8I

  • That's why we just trick him into guarding the lair.

  • Maybe someone in the goblin or kobold villages will know, and we can give our little protege the wooden sword we have.

  • Okay! Time to get out of this funk! Let's go out and do something! Anything! We'll make some money, hire some minions, find a damn Mannikin!
    Let's go out and look for rumors. Maybe High Roller knows something. Maybe we can hire an Ogre! How much money do we have now?
    We're together again! Thought and Memory! With all our cunning and wisdom combined!

    And maybe, if we find a Mannikin, we can show it to Finesse. She'll get the first summoning. That... that'll make her happy again, right?

    C'mon, no more moping! It's time TAKE OVER THE WORLD. Let's go, Muschio! Give us one of those trademark laughs we love so much!

  • Geez, everyone's stealing my Ogre idea.

    BACK OFF

    Now, just to be different, I recommend you get a Troll

  • I don't know if we should see the high roller so soon, but next time we are near his parts we should gift him our wondrous bloodstained tapestry

293

Muschio:

Yes, acquiring a mannikin does still seem to be my top priority, thank you.

This seems as good a time as any to clarify a bit on the things.

A Mannikin is a magic artifact, and it cannot be created in the mortal realm -- they are passed down through the portals themselves. A very "chicken and egg" conundrum, I think.

How it works is that a normal, mundane object is created which resembles an EXISTING creature from the otherside realm, whether the resemblance is literal or iconic. One cannot simply cobble together a random totem or figurine, it must be representative of an extant type of monster.
Then, that portal is imbued ethereally through methods not fully understood, and it goes from being a simple effigy, totem, fetish, idol, statue, poppet, etc. to a magic Mannikin.
The Mannikin can then be linked to a Monster Portal, and the Monster Portal will then be able to summon forth an unlimited number of that type of monster.
HOWEVER, each unique individual summoned from the portal requires Mana, of a type and quantity dependent on the creature's species.

In short, think of the Portal as an automatic vendor that dispenses minions rather than snacks, and must first be stocked with one cutout cardboard drawing of every item we intend to later withdraw.

  • How can we tell a mannikin apart from an everyday item?

  • Okay.

    So, we toss something that looks like what we want into the portal, pay our mana, and get monster. Seems simple enough.

  • Er.... there's an extra step there, but yeah. Can't be hard.

  • How the hell do you know what an automatic vendor is?
    Or cardboard?

  • dwarven engineering

  • Then get off that green Volta ass and go get some Cardboard Twinkies, damn, son.

    Find any other local dungeons, or abandoned dungeons, or any portals near here you think you may be able to infiltrate, and GET YOUR EVIL ASS A MANNIKIN.

    nya~

  • those beautiful hairy bastards.

    Did you just listen on and off? Boss said that you can't make them in our realm.

294

Muschio:

How can we tell a mannikin apart from an everyday item?

I don't know if there is a way. I can't sense magic innately.

So, we toss something that looks like what we want into the portal, pay our mana, and get monster. Seems simple enough.

Perhaps you didn't hear the step where it had to be ethereally imbued in a process no mortal can ever hope to replicate.

How the hell do you know what an automatic vendor is?

Or cardboard?

Those dwarves, my friend.
Those dwarves.

  • You mean we finally get a description of the thing we've been told about for two chapters?

    Neat

  • Well obviously we should find a fairy grove or something and steal one

    nothing can go wrong

  • So what we need is a book. A book that catalogs several types of minions from the otherside realm. So we can make an idol of the EXACT monster we want.

    TO THE LIBRARY!

  • ?
295

Muschio:

You mean we finally get a description of the thing we've been told about for two chapters?

Neat

I described it before, perhaps just not in sufficient detail.

I still have my World Map. I've asked my Minions to do some minor reconnaissance, but... who knows how capably they can be trusted to perform with a task like THAT?

  • Do you think the DEVIL sat around and sulked after GOD ALMIGHTY CAST HIM FROM HEAVEN? NO. HE GOT UP, CRAFTED THE NINE HELLS, AND GOT ON WITH RULING THE DAMNED. HE DIDN'T SIT ON HIS ASS WHINING ABOUT A MANNIKIN.

    Evil doesn't throw a great big sulk.

    Evil puts on the big boy boots, and gets shit done.

  • Little late there, Kemo Sabe.

  • is that FOREST SPARKLING?

    THAT LOOKS AWFULLY UN-MORTAL LIKE TO ME

  • Hang on... if they come from portals, maybe we're going about this wrong. How do we get one out of the portal?

296

Muschio:

is that FOREST SPARKLING?

That would be the Elven Woods of Shimmering Light.
Ugh.

  • Well, Finesse seems rather knowledgable about these matters. Let's go and see if she knows where we might find a Mannikin... Or if she can at least point us in the right direction.

    Eugh. Let's not get tangled up in that mess unless we have to.

  • Okay. Well, Mushie, you're responsible for our memory. Where was the last place you saw a Mannikan? Where can we procure one, be it by bargaining or by theft?

  • Well, we could go steal a Mannikin from someone else. That tower or one of the 2 skulls look like promising places to look.

  • We could go see our old friend the High Rolling Collector.

  • wadda ya mean, they are exactly the kind of people who might have one of these

297

Muschio:

Okay. Well, Mushie, you're responsible for our memory. Where was the last place you saw a Mannikan? Where can we procure one, be it by bargaining or by theft?

I've... never actually seen one myself. But I suppose the best place to look would be another dungeon, since they'd already have one collected, and we could just steal it from their portal and use it in ours.

The problem is that because Mannikins can be iconic, it's possible I might come into possession of one without realizing it -- it might be dismissed as a mundane object.
Of course, if I steal it from another portal, I could be sure that what I was carrying was a Mannikin.

  • Hmm. So, where do we find an object that mortals can't make?

    Balls. I dunno, go to the forest of sparkly elves or something. Your guess seems to be as good as mine.

  • 1) How can we obtain a means to tell if objects we possess, or come into the possession of, ARE in fact mannikins?

    2) If we cannot obtain the aforementioned means noted in query 1, what would the results be of inserting non-mannikin objects into the portal's Mannikin receptors (I know you said you can just set them near the portal, but for the sake of the analogy.)

  • So, you really need two things. You need a mannikin, and you need a way of telling that what you have is actually a mannikin.

    Or you could just try to link every thing you come across, ever, to the monster portal. But that would get old fast.

  • Think. Red only had one Monster summoned. He probably has more lying about. See if we can use those curios we looted. One of them may be a Mannikin.

  • Let's try another dungeon FIRST. Elves should always be the last resort.

  • Say we tried aligning an object that we think is a mannikin to the portal... But the object turned out to be not a mannikin. Would anything bad happen?

  • I meant Non-CONFIRMED Mannikin objects. What would the results be of trial-by-error with the objects we either possess or come into the possession of?

  • yeah like the little toy sword, or other knickknacks

  • Or we could have erased it off a chalk board when we thought it was just scribbles... Oh shit.

  • Just so we're clear on this: We already tried the wooden toy sword we have, right? No sword-monsters came out?

  • What about that egg-shaped container with that small yellow stone in it?

298

Muschio:

Just so we're clear on this: We already tried the wooden toy sword we have, right? No sword-monsters came out?

No, I...
Technically speaking I have not attempted to link any objects with the Monster Portal as yet.

  • ?

    well don't just stand there! Let's try some objects we have

  • That cattle skull on the wall looks pretty monster-y. Try that.

  • ... Get to it then.

  • Try the skull on the wall. That looks Monster like.

  • Use every item with every other item. They do it in all the adventure games. Maybe we'll get a junkotron rocket launcher monster.

  • My god, imagine if the Orb was a mannikin.

    The horrors that would come out. A NECKBEARD ARMY.

  • It's quite possible that we already have inherited a mannikin from the previous dungeon master. Try the toy sword. If that doesn't work, try the case with the stone. If that doesn't work, try the scroll.

  • I chose these things because they seem to serve no other purpose, and therefore are more likely to be used for something not readily apparent, ie, mannikins.

  • Hey, does the monster portal work both ways?

    Maybe we could tie one of our workers to a rope, send him through, and hope he finds a mannikin~

  • That can be Plan B.

299

Muschio:

The animal skull provokes no reaction. It is likely just decoration for Red Fang's more primitive sense of fashion.
Likewise, the small toy sword triggers nothing, but I can't fathom its purpose as a mundane object.

  • The orb! Try the orb!

  • grade A art on that chalkboard

  • Nothing can possibly go wrong with this.

  • Hey boss. What about that scroll we got? You can read it, can't you boss? Can't you?

    (if not, show it to Finesse)

  • If we are a Mannikin will that make the monster that comes out under our complete control, or will the monster be an insane sphere who only wants to rape/molest things, possibly with a relative?

  • What about that odd case with the stone in it?

    Also, DONT USE US.
    I can't imagine anything but SAN damage coming of that.

  • ...ask who is actually drawing on that blackboard. Perhaps it is magical itself?

300

Muschio:

Touching the small hinged container and its inserted gem to the Monster Portal's base produces
a
most
interesting

result

  • Say "Hello!"

  • oh god we can see forever!

  • Call out for Finesse! What the hell are we paying her for if she isn't present at our moment of triumph?

  • Call out to your new servants, Muschio.

  • Yell for Finesse to get her ass in here, she would want to see this.

  • Call for the artificer in your strong, manly voice. We probably should have grabbed her ahead of time, but oh well.

  • Finesse! Help me! Stop this crazy thing!

301

Muschio:

It seems not all my attempts are so easily balked after all.

  • PAIN MANA

    INSERT LOTS OF PAIN MANA

  • Neat! Let's get rid of that chest in your room and put a mimic there.

  • Well, let's see if we can figure out how to spawn one.

    Of course, it might be better for all involved if we go get Finesse first.

  • QUICK TELL FINESSE TO GET HER ASS IN HERE

  • we got the best anti adventurer monster ever

  • Replace the chest in the entrance hall.

  • FUCK YES! Set that bitch right outside the door, we don't want adventurers coming inside. Might as well cus out the part where they roam around breaking our shit up and just kill em outside the door.

  • We didn't get a gazebo...

  • Putting it right there would arouse suspicion. Don't make it TOO obvious, put it in a corner somewhere. Adventurers have a heightened sense for spotting chests.

  • What kind of mana did that take?

302

Muschio:

Now let's just see what the requirements to summon a mimic amount to in ter-

  • That's a bit spendy.

  • Didn't we not have nearly that much?
    So is it uncontrolled, or ...

  • ...

    Climb up behind the monster portal and push it on its face.

  • mimic is high-tier apparently

    LETS FIND MORE

  • NO.

    For now, let's let Finesse examine this piece of work. She might like it I guess.

  • Now would be a good time to ask how we actually get various types of mana. In order to obtain deceit mana, for example, would we have to go around being deceptive?

    Anyway, let's show this to Finesse and see what she makes of it.

  • ... okay.
    No problem. No problem. We can deal with this.
    How do we get Deceit Mana? Let's start thinking up some epic cons.
    ...
    Kick the fucking chalkboard. Or just take a piece of chalk and snap it. I don't know, I just... I really need to break something now.

  • We really should have gotten some deceit from cheating the High Roller.

  • Well, Balls.

    A step at a time I suppose.

    Hm... okay we need a bit more RAW MANA and alot more DECEIT MANA...
    Hum... we'll have to do something pretty deceitful, but we might be able to get this all at once...
    Hm...

  • oh my god Finesse will be so pissed

303

Muschio:

...no, you don't understand.
Linking together the Mannikin merely gave me summoning access to the Mimic. But since I lack the proper mana types and quantities, I still can't summon anything.

If it's not one thing, it's another.

  • Should we lie to Finesse about what we did in an attempt to gain deceit mana?

  • Couldn't we also get deceit mana from luring someone into a trap? Or killing someone sneaky?

  • OH SHIT

  • Deceit mana? Like... if you deceived a comrade and shoved them through the portal?

  • Tell Finesse her giant arm is looking very lovely today.

    INCOMING MANA!

  • Well... the only DECEIT going on was by US, and even then that whole thing was more LUCKy than anything.

    Turn around and say hello to Finesse. Also tell her we're one more step closer to getting this thing up and running.

  • We need to tell Finesse about this. It's her right to know. She built it, remember? Granted we got the new gem, but we broke it and the portal itself in the first place. Evil we may be, but deceit is for the weak.

  • Jesus what's with all this kissing Finesse's ass? She works for US, remember? If she has a fucking problem with it we can just remind her that we're her boss. I mean damn. We can't be an evil overlord if we snivel down to the help.

  • Plus, lest you forget, we only broke the portal last time to stop a creature from coming out and ripping our guts out through our face.

  • Oh, there's Finesse.
    ... as wonderful as it would be to exploit her for Mana gain, she's a loyal minion, our current SIC, and deserves better than that. Just give her the lowdown on what happened.

    We're probably about to do some adventuring. Ask her if she wants to come, or if not, if she needs anything while we're out.

304

Muschio:

I attempt to explain what happened to my Goblin Tinker, but she seems to have witnessed a fair amount of the situation from the doorway.

"I saw, Master. Not a bad show. But I guess you don't have the mana for it?"

She's right: I don't.
To be honest, the concept of Mana Gain is a little nebulous to me. It's very hard to pinpoint exactly how much of exactly what type is meted out for exactly which kinds of acts.

  • They're called labor unions. And if they have vending machines here then I don't doubt they have unions here as well. Plus, she has the knowledge on these sorts of things, if we treat her badly, she can just say screw it and leave. We may pay her, but she is not under contract or anything.

  • We understand perfectly.

    Destroy the portal.

    Right in front of Finesse.

  • Looks like it's about time for a mini quest.

  • So ask her.

  • Well, ask her if she has any mana or any advice on procuring some.

  • Hey Muschio, check out that chalkboard

  • Ask Finesse if she has any ideas for how to acquire more mana. Preferably in large quantities.
    I mean, sure, we have a basic idea that Luck is meted out for being lucky, and Deceit for being deceitful, but we need a way to make a lot of mana very quickly!
    ...
    Maybe we can trick the Ogres into working for free. Ogres are dumb, right?

  • Apologize for not going to tell her earlier, tell her it was sort of an out of the blue thought. Then ask her a good way on how to obtain more mana reserves.

  • Kiss her, you fool.

  • Yes I assume the Goblin village with wooden huts has gone out of their way to create a union. Why, when we saw the village and I gazed on their dirt floors, I thought to myself "these wood-dwellers must have created some sort of program to make sure that random people who leave are properly paid for and looked after."

  • Ok, treat her like dirt, see how far you get. Don't worry I'll wait, I have a few minuets.

  • Oh NO! I wouldn't dream of doing anything.

    After all the Goblin union may come down to have strong words with us.

  • Resorting to sarcasm, eh? All out of good come backs, or are we done here?

305

Muschio:

"Don't know anything about generating mana. Sorry, Master.

But there is some good news. I found a place sort of nearby that has a Mannikin we could probably make use of."

  • Excellent!

  • Great, where is it?

  • ... this is relevant to our interests. Ask her to proceed.

  • I believe I just gave a good comeback to counter your frankly stupid idea of Goblins having unions.

    Inquire.

  • Awesome! That's our Finesse, always on the ball! Be sure to congratulate her!
    Where's the Mannikin?

  • Eeeeexcellent.
    Things may turn out in our favor yet!

  • I believe I already agreed that it is rather unlikely, however you did not disprove the idea that she can just walk away, which still remains.

    Ask her, also, seriously apologize, if for any other reason then we don't need an angsty goblin sulking around the dungeon, possibly an overstatement, but still.

306

Muschio:

"Lemme see your map, Master."

"Yeah, right here. This tower passes between masters a lot and it undergoes a lot of reconstruction. So they've gotta have something to work on that, right?

Well word is they've got a bunch of Odds running around doing their building. Odds are simple enough that if we can get ahold 'f a Mannikin for 'em, we could summon some up real easy.

Only problem is actually getting in there and stealing the Mannikin."

  • where do you STORE a mannikin that has been linked to a portal? is there a little cubbyhole in the base or what?

  • I didn't disprove that she can just walk away? Was that ever the point? Of course she can just walk away, she has legs that she can use for locomotion. I was just saying that we don't need to kiss her ass and beg her to fix the portal, or apologize for fooling around with it. She works for us.

    I never said she couldn't just walk away.

  • What are Odds anyhow? And why the ominous capital letter O?

  • shh

  • OKAY.
    I say we stock up on some high power expendable minions, like ogres or trolls, take those fuckers over to the tower, and have them assault the place.
    Then we steal the Mannikin using subtlety while they act as an obvious distraction.

  • Meh, sorry for bringing it up then.

    Time for some stealth action. Obtain twigs and leaves for MASTERFUL DISGUISES.

  • Down at the Ogre and Troll Boutique? Getting one may be easy but multiple large humanoids are just gonna pound you to jelly. Especially if you're like "I have gold to hire you guys!"

    They'd just be like "we have a dead guy with gold in our camp."

  • Looks like its time for some STEALTH ACTION.
    Go get your CAMO and try to remember the basics of CQC!

  • Hire some Cat-mobsters from Sepia-town. Hire them on contract, and tell them that while you are going in there to retrieve the Mannikin, they are welcome to keep what treasures they may find while assisting you. The value you contribute to this venture is the knowledge of the location of the goods, and guide services, as well as assistance within the tower itself.

    Then kill them for the treasure they find one you're ready to leave, sell the treasures, take 1/2 the gold you made selling the treasures, and take it to the surviving families of the goons you murdered, telling them of their brave demise, and telling the family that the goon's dying wishes were that their family be provided with the valuables they were working to earn.

    This keeps vengeful families from hunting you, keeps your name in high regard in a society of readily hireable goons, and puts some much needed spending cash in your pocket.

  • This sounds like a plan if ever I've heard one. We may need some starting funds to get the goons hired, mind. Especially since we're not exactly the most well informed regarding the layout of the fortress and the location of the goods within.

  • ...
    Other than that, it's a good plan. But it seems a bit unnecessary. One Volto is more stealthy than a full party anyway. A distraction is useful, but puts the tower on alert, and as such is a very temporary blessing. Keeping it simple may be our best option.

  • You missed the step in the middle which was "give 1/2 of the goon's loot to his family, claiming it to be all he found, saying that he wanted them to have something to support them, with him gone."

  • Let's do this. The Odds are good.

    ...Don't blame me. Someone had to say it.

  • No I didn't. I missed the part where that means everyone dying is good for your reputation. That's useful for keeping the families from slaughtering us, but it really doesn't go farther than that. Especially considering that this would have to be played off right, and Muschio is no Mudy Latral.

  • Try not to stare at Finesse's DELICIOUS FLAT CHEST, boss.

  • Has the place had any visitors in the last 4 days? Any of Red Fang's so-called raiders?

    Ask finesse where the raiders came from. I think that toy sword might have something to do with this. If Red Fang has a small child, it is our duty as an evil mastermind to recruit him into our ranks and brainwash him as our right-hand strongman.

  • I like the way you think. But if Red Fang's boys had been around, we'd have heard. And getting Odds takes precedence over a largely symbolic act of dominance.

  • Wow, still going? SWEET.

    Odds are probably like that first monster we saw: small, sharp teeth, dimwitted, and weak.

  • You're four hours after the last update, so I don't know about still going.

    But even if the Odds are weak, they can at least do some physical labor.

  • Indeed. Once we start getting those little guys out, Babrakus and Tislomer might be up for promotion.

  • Yo Muzzles, she's not wearing anything under that robe. She's showing off to you. She wants some affection, man.
    When are you gonna pay some attention to that sweetcheeks sugarbunny?
    Don't let the apple hang untill it rots, bro. Atleast pluck it, then you can eat it when you feel like it.

  • ...so uh...boss.

    Why's the gobbo chick parading around half-naked in an open robe?

  • Maybe goblins don't have the same culturally ingrained sense of shame that humans do, you insensitive clod!

  • What barbaric beasts!

  • Are you saying there is something wrong with exposed breasts?

  • I don't think you understand. Those THINGS have different cultural norms than me!

  • I don't think you understand EXPOSED BREASTS

  • Oh geez... we're going to wind up in an orgy with our sisters and this new girl.

    ...wait... wrong owner.

    Um... do we want to take one of our minions along on the journey? Could be risky.

  • She doesn't actually have any breasts

    naw. Being stealthy and deceitful is easier with a single person. They can produce trade goods over this period of time instead. Speaking of which, how much money have we got now?

  • Guys, I realise this is a futile undertaking, but stop talking about breasts or the lack thereof and get back to work helping the boss.
    For my two cents worth: Alone, with as much information as you can gather on the location beforehand.

  • Let's go alone. More mana for us.

    Plus, we can get some luck (for clearing the place out despite bad odds) and Deceit (for stealing the mannakin)

  • The reason we're talking about breasts is because we're pretty much in accordance as to what the boss should do. We're just waiting on him doing it.

    I don't think stealing is enough to get deceit mana. I think we need to actually deceive people.

  • Well then let's go play some muthafuggin card games. Poker, that one we played earlier... all's good, so long as it involves bluffing.

  • Mana is generated by 'great acts' not from bluffing a kobold in poker.

  • What about our match with the High Roller?

    What if we bluff our way into the tower and take the 'kin for our own?

    Alternatively, we could just hack our way through, and get different sorts of mana.

    But I want one mimic. Just one.

  • Bluffing into the tower totally should do it. But I'm not sure I trust /quest/ and Muschio to successfully do that. It's worth a try, at least. However, while getting a mimic would be cool, it's not really an immediate goal, as mimics are pretty much incapable of physical labor.

  • They can hold stuff. If they can talk, more company is always nice.

  • And we can make more chest puns.
    Oh boy.

307

Muschio:

Very well, I shall make plans to set out at once.

"Finesse, I'm going to be setting out for the tower presently. That mannikin is essential to our foundation of power, and in its acquisition I believe I can acquire additional mana to fuel future summonings. I may take some potions from Tislomer before I set out."

"As you like, master. But I can't come with you. I'm not a fighter."

"I don't expect you to. You can stay here and look after the kobolds, make sure they don't get into any trouble."

"Oh. Okay. Yeah, got it."

308

Muschio:

Well, I think that went well.

What should I do to prepare for my journey before I leave?

  • Erase that board before you go out.
    Insubordination will not be tolerated.

  • Wipe off the chalkboard.

  • What CAN we do short of bringing some potions and putting on the sword&board?

    Well, what we should do is set up camp outside the place for a few days to get an idea about the comings and goings of the place. Maybe we could sneak in between guard shifts, or if they bring in a lot of stuff disguise ourself as the delivery boy. Ya know, survey the place a bit.

  • Or we could go in punching and kicking like the fist of the north star! It seems more his style, blunder on obliviously and grin and bare it.

  • Go over weapon/armor/abilities/mana pool.

  • a good villan requires proper attire. your lack of hat/headgear will be your undoing. previous attempts (the helmet, the cat's hat) are only further proof that your headgear must be of a special type, that you may still benefit from your hairstyle and your unique facial structure.
    prehaps a pair of goggles to wear on your head. or maybe that skull you tried in the portal.

309

Muschio:

I quickly erase the insubordination recorded on the blackboard.

I make a mental note to punish whoever's responsible.

  • Hey, making light of troubles is good for morale, and the problem with being a master of minions with low morale is that there are more of them than you.

    Be cautious about being too strict.

  • What if it was Finesse? Maybe we can give her a spanking~

310

Muschio:

Here's my collective inventory. It hasn't changed much since the last time I went out. I don't think I'm forgetting anything.
My two kobold minions have made an income of about 5gp/day each, for a net gain of 40 gold since my last check.

311

Muschio:

As for my mana... that's a good point, actually. I haven't checked it since before I visited Sepia Town.

Let's see where I stand.

  • Pick up some potions. Another sleep potion would be handy, for one. Plus anything for healing or what have you. (Though he can't be that good with healing and ipecac and such or else he'd have healed the little kobold girl earlier)

    Plus your sword, shield, some supplies, food, and water for the trip, a bag to carry loot, and the flyssa. It's proven unexpectedly useful before.

  • I've been meaning to ask... what's the Love mana for, Muschio? Who did you love enough to generate mana?

  • Oh my, where'd the Love mana come from~

  • The kobold I reckon. It sure did look up to him alot.

  • probably that guy who visited him about that lady in a tower.

  • Hahah!
    Oh my~
    Where did that come from, I wonder, nya?~

  • Commission a bed already. Sleeping on that desk will ruin your spine, boss.

  • But that happened before he left for sepia town, which is when he said he last checked. The love mana appeared since then, so that can't be it.

  • Okay! Even if we can't find the mannakin, we'll turn a profit with expe-er, mana.

    Let's head out!

  • Where did the Growth mana come from, for that matter?

  • ?

    Maybe staring a bit too hard at this caused it? Nya~ <3

  • Don't be silly, Babrakus loves Tislomer (Just look at what was on the blackboard~), he only respects Muschio.

  • Growth as a person and along our goals.

    Man, this is some pretty vague stuff. I like it.

  • We've been growing crops outfront, havn't we? Could that be responsible?

  • 1 Love mana, 1 Growth mana, you figure it out.

  • wrong kobold. The one in question was the one we healed.

  • Enough nonsense. Here's what you take:
    Sword (your preference), Shield, Rod of Healing (for poking things), Potion of not-hurting, oil, rope, torch. Some food would be good, too, and water as well.

  • but then we wouldn't get pain mana.

    Also, dispose of the rotting meat.

  • I thing Muschio'd prefer losing mana to losing his life.

  • Don't dispose of the rotting meat. We might be able to use it. It could be good fertalizer or it could attract/distract a particularilly foul beast.

  • (Other than that, though, good list. Of the two swords, I believe our original was better. If we could get a properly balanced rapier or smallsword at some point, that would be ideal, but our own personal armament takes a backseat to our broader-scaled ambitions.)

  • Healing can be painful. See the first chapter and the spike trap. Fuck.

  • A detailed summary of your skills would be helpful. We know you're skilled with fencing-style swordfighting, and know a spell that can create fire, but it would be helpful to have a more accurate understanding of the extent of your personal abilities.

  • So, our final list is, apparently, as follows:

    Broadsword, Shield, Rod of Healing (for poking things), Potion of healing (not including painkiller), oil, rope, torch. food (let's say enough for 120% of the time we expect to be gone.)

    Any issues, or should we proceed?

  • Money

  • Ah, yes. Ideally, we shouldn't need it, but it's certainly a good idea to have some just in case. 20 coins should be sufficient.

  • Any amount of money we carry is going to be exactly 80% of the money we need to purchase what we desire. Knowing this fact is called being genre savvy. But sure. Carry all the money.

  • We're not actually planning to purchase anything.

  • We're not PLANNING to, no. Doesn't mean an opportunity won't arise.

  • which is why we're bringing any money at all. We might, at some point, need to shell out a few gold to someone to not mention they saw us for a few hours. That's the only real possibility for expenditure. And worst-case scenario, killing the guard is almost as good.

312

Muschio:

Babrakus says he can make me a simple bed for 10 gold.
Tislomer has limited recipes and shows me what he has to offer. I realize I still have the minor healing potion he gave me earlier and I hold onto that.

I'll also be bringing my:
Sword and shield
Depleted rod of Healing
Jug of Oil
Bite of Rope
Torch

Food isn't an issue when I'm here, since I can just eat the modest crops Tislomer produces, but when I go out, I probably should bring something along just in case the journey ends up being a lengthy one.
So for food, I'll bring the Bread, Cheese, and Minotaur's Milk.

  • Where... where did you get the milk?

  • Female minotaur, better not to ask. GET ON WITH IT.

  • We're doing stealth action so get at least one sleep potion.

  • Can sleep be used by putting some on a weapon blade? either way, it does seem like it would be useful.

  • I'd say spend the money on a potion of blindness, for potential flinging-into of people's eyes, providing it wouldn't delay the trip.

313

Muschio:

Where... where did you get the milk?

It was in the item box when I first looted it, remember?

The potions can all be whipped up handily, so it won't delay the trip.

  • wear the animal skull as a mask!

314

Muschio:

wear the animal skull as a mask!

Hrm.

  • Awesome!

  • Hasn't that milk been in there for a bit too long?

  • Hmm... maybe we should put a hat on too...

  • Potion of Blindness, Potion of Sleep... see if you can get a few small empty vials with stoppers as well. Since you've got a jug of oil, you could cobble together some fire bombs or chuckable slick spots if the need arose.
    A secondary goal should probably be to improve our alchemical options. Even with what we've got, we have fun possibilities.

  • Not half bad, Muscio.

  • ...I like it!

    Though it may not hide your identity well. What with the, uh, giant nose, and all.

  • It wouldn't fit

315

Muschio:

Hmm... maybe we should put a hat on too...

  • There. Perfect. We've finally got it.
    We just need to put some horns on it now...

  • Remind me again why you listen to us.

  • BRILLIANT!

    continue to wear this.

  • It HAS horns.

316

Muschio:

I just remembered I have another hat too.

As long as I'm stacking ridiculous haberdashery upon my scalp, perhaps you would like this as well.

  • now you're just being silly.

  • Okay okay, get the potions and let's get to work.

  • Well, now you're just being silly.

  • naw, that's just silly.

  • Seriously? No wonder you listen to us... put that hat UNDER the first hat. Geeze.

  • Just. Take the hats and the skull off and go get those potions before this train of thought can proceed to its logical conclusion of wearing everything on your head.

  • sillymind!

    as a sidenote, we could probably paint runes on the skull for maximum awesome. Runes make everything better.

  • Actually, the skull doesn't look too bad on you. It's got kindof an Evil Overlord feel to it. You've usually got more of a Mad Scientist look, with that hair.
    But maybe we should only save it for special occasions. Y'know, when we want to look imposing.

    I say go ahead and commission that bed, it'll be done by the time we get back. After that, we should probably stock up on a couple extra healing potions, and anything else the other voices think we need.

  • Agreed.

317

Muschio:

NO, NO! As long as I'm stacking ridiculous garbage on my face I might as well go with gusto!

After all, I need to look as "badass" as possible!

  • That's quite a dexterous feat, actually.
    I bet you stack dice like a motherfucker.

  • I think you look good with just the skull, Muzzles. <3

  • never had to say this before.

    U mad, Muscio?

  • ?

    With naught but a few minor modifications, the skull can become a truly epic piece of headgear!

  • Are you still pissed that we left?

318

Muschio:

Mad? I'm not mad! I'm just following your fantastic fashion advice!

HERE!
YOU WANT HEADGEAR? I'LL SHOW YOU HEADGEAR
HOW'S THAT
TELL ME WHAT THE VIEW IS LIKE FROM UP THERE

  • As soon as you get yourself a decent hat, this nonsense stops. Just for its own sake, you may want to put that a stitch higher on your to-do list.

  • Pretty nice.

  • ?
  • This is silly. Lets just get going shall we?

  • I can see forever!

  • Que Finesse.

  • Let's leave his headgear alone, guys. I think that long face of his is quite cute.

    Seriously, boss. Let's make stocking up a priority. Do we have any means of recharging that wand of healing? We cannot recall how wands work. Perhaps you would know?

  • Actually it's the same as before. Besides, you said you wanted to be the Devil! What sort of self-respecting ultimate evil doesn't have horns, huh?

  • 'Bout the same actually...

  • Are we... are we going to go yet?

    I wanna go to the tower.

  • ...pants next, Muschio. Since you're going all in.

  • Also
    inb4 Finesse walks in on Muschie with all this stuff on his head

319

Muschio:

Also
inb4 Finesse walks in on Muschie with all this stuff on his head

...what?

  • CASUALLY STRIDE OUTSIDE!

  • quick! put her on your head too!

  • Called it.

  • We never did figure out wtf is above the grate.

  • Just cough and sidle out of the room as if nothing is unusual. I wish we had a horse.

  • Ask her if she wants to touch your headgear.

  • I'm pretty sure we did. It was a ventilation system if I'm not mistaken.

  • Y'know what, Muschio? You can just explain this shit to her by yourself.

  • Don't forget to whistle.

  • "Tinkerer! Modify this helmet for me, my efforts were in vain, as you can see. When I return I expect a truly epic headpiece!"

  • ?

    Indeed. Try to aspire toor pic related.

320

Muschio:

I can't leave like this! Babrakus needs his mallet back.

Y'know what, Muschio? You can just explain this shit to her by yourself.

SOME HELP YOU ARE

"Oh. Finesse. Yes, you see... um. Heh. It's uh... hm. Ahem.
Yes. Well."

  • Go on. Tell her exactly what the fuck you were thinking.
    I'D LIKE TO KNOW TOO.

  • It's your people's custom! Your weird ass long nosed custom!

  • Just say you were mad at one of the stupid suggestions the orb made and took it to a logical conclusion. Come on, we have places to be.
    This is assuming you mentioned the orb during your four days of moping. Otherwise, GOOD LUCK.

  • If you want to cover it up, then:

  • Yes, because he wants to admit he's dependent on the insane ramblings of a hunk of glass because he can't make his own decisions.

  • You can always explain weird behavior as being foreign.

  • We could explain the situation.
    We could blame Xom
    We could say its a custom
    We could claim we dont owe her an explenation

  • Don't listen to the masochistic part, he's a dick. Just tell her to tinker the helmet for you, I mean geez, we pay good money for her. Besides, maybe it results in something awesome?

  • On one socket, a magnfying lens, in the other, a slot for magickal jewels like those used for true seeing.

  • Change the subject. Ask if she has any good suggestions for appropriate headgear, preferably face-diguising.

  • "I'm sorry, I just listen to the voices in my orb a little too closely."

321

Muschio:

"Oh, this? Well, this is... ha ha, nothing, it's uh, see, there's an old Volto tradition, um...
What I mean is that I was just... well when the voices told me to -- uh. Well. Hrm. Yes.
Finesse! I want this made into a proper helmet when I get back! Suitable for adventuring!"

"But Master I'm not--"

"And make sure Babrakus gets this back!"

322

Muschio:

"OKAY VERY GOOD SEE YOU LATER."

  • OW YOU DROPPED US YOU JERK.

  • Sure hope Tislomer's outside, because I sure didn't see you get those potions.

  • Nice one.

    Alright, let's get going.

  • ...Um, excellent work boss?

  • HEY CAREFUL HANDLING US BOSS. I mean, ow, that smarts. Where would you be if we broke? Four days without us was bad enough, if we break you're really hosed.

  • FUCK MY DOMINOS. AND MY HOUSE OF CARDS!

  • So, now that we're out of that little embarrassment...

    Muschio, don't get embarrassed. You are in charge. Celebrate your eccentricity. If Finesse thinks it's odd, she's the one in the wrong. Because you're an evil overlord. Remember that.

323

Muschio:

YES, I managed to pick up a potion of blindness and a potion of sleep as you requested, before I made an utter fool of myself. Babrakus also knows I need a bed. This brings me down to 14 gold.

I just --

god dammit.

324

Muschio:

This is going to be a very long walk.