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1101

Dompag:

The secret to any girl's heart is simple. You find out what they want, and you give it to 'em.

But just because it's simple, that don't mean it's easy.

[use left-right cursor keys to turn pages, or click on the arrows at the top and bottom of each page]

  • Tell me about it.

  • ...okay.

  • Dompag....what did you do?

  • Sometimes, they don't even know what they want.

  • In Geppa's case it's probably that she needs somebody controlling her completely in order to feel safe; she doesn't want choices, she wants everything made simple for her.
    This probably stems back to some sort of childhood trauma where she screwed up horribly, but that's not really important at this stage.

    You know what to do, Dompag.

  • To make the story simple, just rape her!

  • but its not rape if she wants it.

1102

Dompag:

Gray Fang, otherwise known as Geppa, has been a difficult one to crack. Normally I wouldn't run into so many problems, but problems, she's got plenty.

The first few hours were mostly spent wearing her out and waiting for her to get tired.

  • Agreed! Smack her over the head while you're doing it too!

  • Dompag, you are the MAN.

  • hahaha, got any plans for her or are you kinda out of your element with crazies.

  • I hope you like Sado-Masochism.

  • Yea, I don't think she's going to get tired.

  • Ask her how you taste.

  • damnit man, she's chewing on your head and you act BORED?

  • EVERYONE gets tired EVENTUALLY, but maybe there's a way to get her to stop. Did you try offering tea and cookies?

  • rub her ears

  • Hmm, interesting. I wonder how she's going to react once she figures out that she can't hurt you, but you aren't going to hurt her.

1103

Dompag:

That was five hours ago. But it looks like she's finally gotten tired and hoarse from all the thrashing, and screaming about rape, and murder, and other stuff.

She pants dryly, looking a little weak. I dunno this girl's whole story, but she's a pretty miserable sight. Scrawny, ragged, mistreated.
Boss said I should fix this girl. And I'm gonna do that, like only I can.

  • Aw yeah Dompag bring out that wine and cheese.

  • Give her a hug and ask her what she wants?

  • Dude do you have a signed poster?! That's awesome!

    Offer her some water.

  • She is more animal than person. Try teaching her like you would a dog. With positive and negative reinforcement.

  • She needs a hug.

  • Ask her if she likes cheese.

  • Do your thing, Dompag. You handle this stuff better than we ever could.

  • She didn't look scrawny before... Just how beefy are gnoll women supposed to get?

    Try being really blunt. After you just sat there playing chew-toy, she's probably not expecting subtlety. Just ask why she wants everyone to rape her. Point out that isn't how rape works.

  • indeed.

  • Man, she's less of a dog and more of a feisty cat. They love to bite and scratch the fuck out of you. Cats are assholes. They just want food, they don't care about anything else.

  • she's not ready for a hug yet. Maybe a pat on the head. Maybe.

1104

Dompag:

"Are you hungry?"

"NO. Fha. Fuck you!"

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Hahh... hai... I don't NEED... to eat."

"Everyone needs to eat."

"NOT ME."

She pants, out of breath, drooling slightly.
"How about a drink?"

"NO."

"You look very thirsty. You haven't had anything to drink in hours."

"shaaaahh... ssSO WHAT! I DON'T CARE! YOU THINK I NHaa... YOU THINK I NEED TO DRINK?? haahh..."

  • So... What DO you want?

  • Say it's not that you think she's weak, it's just that it's just the gentleman thing to do to offer it.

  • I think you might be force feeding her for a few days

  • So... What DO you want?

  • yes 'so... what DO you need then?'

  • Sensually eat a bit of cheese, acting like it is orgasmic.

  • This. Treat her like a lady, not a beast.

  • Nothing wrong with a little indulgence in fine wine and cuisine, m'lady. Nothin' at all. Nothin' at all.

    Say fine, maybe she doesn't need to eat, but may want to.

1105

Dompag:

"I'm not offering because I think you're weak, or because you need it. I'm just offering as a friend. Because maybe you want it."

"I DON'T whaa... want it!"

I hold it out. Her nose twitches.
"What do you want then?"

"WHO CARES?! WHaaa... hhaaahhh... it doesn't MATTER WHAT I WANT, I AM GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUuuuhhhaaahhhaahhhhhhhh..."

Mm.

  • Ask her why she wants to do that.

  • Place it on the ground then tell her your going to turn around should cheese and or drink disappear while you are turned around you will not be angry. Then do so.

  • Didn't you just try to kill me? So even if you could, why?

  • I sense progress is being made.

  • drop cracker
    turn round
    quote this: "And you did a fine job of that... honestly. Why do you want ME dead?"

  • Wave it near her mouth.

    "Why don't you take my cheese from me first?"

  • "Why?"

  • Tell her that there's no point in existing unless you try to get what you want. Life is to strive, to struggle, to reach towards something better.

  • "Yes, you did a fantastic job with that before.
    Have you considered that I am being polite because I don't need to use force? You are helpless, and completely at my mercy. We both know it, so why should I bother using force?"

1106

Dompag:

"Well I don't think you should do that on an empty stomach. I'm just going to put these here."

"I'M GHAAaaahhaahh... hahhh... gha going to KILL YOU!"

"And why do you want to do that?"

"BECAUSE! Hahhh... I'M STRONG!"

  • If you were strong you would be able to control your urges.

  • Notes:

    This is sort of trollish. A less trollish version would be to merely ask why, without saying that she wants to.

    This is silly, and accomplishes nothing. If we think she'll eat while we're not watching, we shouldn't tell her so, because then she won't.

    She didn't imply that we thought her weak, and that's not a concept we want to bring into the conversation now.

    This is stupid in a whole new way. So congrats for that, I guess.

  • If you were strong I would already be dead.

  • WRESTLING CONTEST LET'S GO

  • Tell her she'll get stronger if she eats, so she can kill you more easily.

  • "Why does being strong make you want to kill me?"

    If you don't think it'll backfire, add "I'm strong and I don't want to kill me..."

  • Being strong is not sufficient reason to kill somebody.

  • "Are you really strong? Are you, say, strong enough to not need to kill to get what you want?"

  • enough of this, pin her so that she cant move to prove your stronger, then after she realizes this is pointless maybe she'll calm down

  • Ask her why she's strong.

  • Criticize her for not drinking enough lusus milk.

1107

Dompag:

"Strength is more than the ability to kill someone, you know. And being strong is not a reason to kill."

1108

Dompag:

"You don't have to hurt people to be strong. Sometimes all --"

drip

"...oh."

1109

Dompag:

  • DOMPAG FUCK

  • You did say you eat lava; a little fire shouldn't be too bad. Other than ruining all your lovely posters, anything we need to be worried about?

  • Ow. MEDIC.

  • Don't worry, he can eat lava!
    A little fire won't hurt!

  • Make sure she doesn't escape, then put out the damn fire.

  • Put out the fires, then give her a glare, flick her nose, and tell her "We do not do that inside!".

  • Your posters! She knew your only weakness!!!

  • Dompag, if you survive this I suggest you ditch the "make her sane again" plan and just kill her.

    I know it's not the nicest thing to do, but her continued existence is a real danger to those around her.

    As you can see firsthand.

  • Man what the hell did you give her, anyway?

  • make sure she doesn't escape~

  • She took a lot of wine into her mouth, then nabbed a candle. Same trick she did with Ridder, way back when.

    ...Damn, that was some *amazing* wine. You can't ignite the stuff you buy off the shelf long enough to do something that cool.

  • I warned you about the burns.

  • Yeah that's what I was saying. :V

  • Yeah, we forgot to mention. She likes fire.

  • You can't ignite it in general.
    Dompag, why did you give her brandy?

  • Do not die.

  • Put on your serious face, Dompag.

  • I hope you have something set up to keep her from leaving the room. You're the only one that's got the strength and self-restraint needed to stop her without damage.

  • Ok, from now on: water. Just water.

  • act unfazed
    stare her down
    Tell her to stop

  • Run around screaming "MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!"

1110

Dompag:

"Please don't do that."

  • THE POOOOOOOSTEEEEEERS

  • oh no the lourke poster

    I'M SAD

  • Kill that bitch for burning your posters.

  • but fire never kills Dompag...

  • I don't think she'll try that again.
    How's the cheese? Did it melt?

    Offer her some either way.

  • "Do you want some of the cheese now?"

  • Ask her to hand over the lighter.

  • she might pee on your floor, be careful.

  • Might want to block the door. She's scared now, and likely to bolt.

  • We can buy more posters. It's no big deal.

    Tell her that wine is for drinking, not for burning.

  • so how about that cheese.

  • Oh I know, tell her that being strong can also mean... not being hurt when someone tries. So, you're the STRONGEST!

1111

Dompag:

She stands up and empties the bottle. It gets slightly warmer in here.

She screams and laughs a sobbing laugh.

"WHY?! WHaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaahhh whhhhyyyy why why doesn't the fire EAT YOUUUUUUhhoohoaaaaaaaaahhhh... aaaahaaaha..."

  • "Because I eat fire."

    Demonstrate.

  • "The fire doesn't eat me. I eat the fire. It's on my resume."

  • I eat fire. Fire no work.

  • Set her on fire. Don't like, let her burn to death or anything, just freak her out.

  • I think we just broke her, in a good way that is... she'll need some time to process this info but this is very good progress I think.

  • "Because I eat fire and shit brimstone."

  • BECAUSE YOU ARE STRONG! THE FIRE DOESN'T EAT YOU, YOU EAT THE FIRE!

  • Ogres must have the best saunas ever.

  • "Because I'm an ogre."

  • That's kind of odd.
    "Are you finished with your childish antics yet?
    Or should I give you a few more minutes to get it out of your system?"

  • spank her

  • Say "Ogres are imba. Deal w/it."

    Seriously consider screwing her until she mellows out.

  • Dompag, do the poor girl a favor and remind her that you EAT LAVA.

    Oh, she's crying... :c

    ...YOUR POSTERS!!

  • Lick her delicious tears away.

1112

Dompag:

"I eat fire. Fire doesn't eat me."

"...ever?"

"Fire never eats me."

  • ...If you don't eat her as a punchline, I will be disappointed. In either manner.

  • she is probably going to fall apart with a broken world view. be ready for tears. or hugs and kisses. she is insane i don't know what she would do.

  • I love you Dompag

  • "I eat lava, too. Sometimes bathe in it. This would be relaxing if my stuff wasn't so flammable."

  • She might try to rape you now.
    The only counter will be wanting it.

  • I think you just made a friend Dompag.
    I doubt you will ever get rid of her now.
    Hopefully she will calm down now...

  • I guess you could say you're stronger than fire.

1113

Dompag:

"Y-you EAT fire?!"

"Well... eh, no, not really... but... it doesn't eat me."

She just stands there for a long time, then sits down quietly.

  • Now she has a challenge. Just you watch, you'll get lamp oil and fireworks in your pants when you least expect it.

  • we now know that she's
    1; a pyro
    2: a masochist
    3: has some thing about fire eating all.

    Maybe you two can talk about fire. Fire must seem all powerful. Being able to eat most things. Only water can counter it.

    Idea: you are the water to her fire

    that line either will turn her on, put her in her place, or pacify her.... Maybe all of the above?

  • "I actually eat lava."

  • Hug Geppa

  • Offer her a hug?

  • hugs tiems?

  • pet her in a comforting manner.

  • What fabric is your cloth made of Dompag? If we sell it to adventurers going into hot places we could make millions.

  • Ask her if she's okay.

  • Put your arm around her, and ask her if she wants you to get her something else to eat and drink.

  • Domigo, are you crazy? Why would you POUR BUTTER ON GREY FANG seriously man is that how you get your sick kicks it cannot possibly be sanitary to POUR BUTTER ON GREY FANG that's disgusting.

1114

Dompag:

Geppa suddenly hugs me tight.
She sniffs and says something quietly I can barely hear.

"You too? Are you alone too?"

She sniffles softly.

"We're brother and sister. Don't be scared anymore, brother. You look out for me. And I look out for you."

"We don't need fire anymore."

1115

Dompag:

1116

Dompag:

  • Or she could associate fire as water's enemy, or point out that fire boils away water or some crap.

  • Don't be surprised at your tears.
    Strong men also cry... strong men also cry.

  • Stick it in quick.

  • ...are you... are you tearing up, dude? Man, you sure are one sensitive dude.

    Kidding aside.. this probably is progress. So, a hug might help, And try to calmly talk to her. Maybe mention that neither of you HAS to be alone, that you can still be with people beside each other.

  • d-d-d-d'aaaaaaaawwwwwww

  • Cowards hide their emotions out of fear. It takes bravery to share with the world.

    You're a good man, Dompag.

  • 'Never stick your dick in crazy' typically refers to the propensity of crazy people to get clingy, vindictive, and violent for bizarre reasons.

    Since that's already clingy, vindictive, and violent, you should stick your dick in her.

  • Just pointing out that if you put it in now, she'll be hopelessly dependent on you forever and be glued to your dick for all time. Trying to ditch her and go for any others would result in her trying to murder you in your sleep.

    Could be a good or bad thing from your perspective. Your call.

  • Dompag... How many ogres are in the world?

  • Ah, yes. Entirely logical.

  • I think there is a bit more work to do before we go sticking anything anywhere, but this is good... she needed this. Thankyou Dompag.

  • Are you tearing up because of the guesture, how lonely and rough her life must have been, personal emotion... or because you're being put into a sibling role?

  • Do not stick your dick in her. That is not what she needs right now. I mean, this is a good start but she's not recovered much yet.

    For now you should just hold her until she calms down. Talk to her, find out more about her, though you should avoid talking about fire or her family until much later.

  • Hold on... do I see a tear in the corner of your eye?

    Man... this IS a challenge.

  • Good man. Pat her on the back and tell her it's alright.

    ...also that you're not her brother. That might be a bad idea.

  • Then again, she's already proven to be kinda freaky in that regard.

    "Th-that tingles, brother~ Ahhn~!"

  • She is anchoring to you because you are immune to the catalyst of her past trauma. The assignment of family to your identity is a fractured attempt to reclaim something she's already lost. To right the past in some small way. Nurturing this will for the time being be positive in her recovery. I believe if you can mend her to a suitable state of sanity the role will be decreased in significance to the point where it is little more than a fond moniker to the likewise role you are providing.

    For the time being simply give positive reinforcement to good behavior, and ignore bad behavior depending on the severity of it. She will desire your attention if this is what it appears to be. No harsher punishment will be necessary or more effective than cutting off your influence for brief periods of time.

    Although you must be careful to balance this. Too much of being ignored will make her detach again.

  • Uh yeah dude you're doing good so far. Don't stick yer dick in her. Offer to listen to her, or offer he some more food. Maybe make a joke about "smoked cheese"?

  • Ok Dompag, here is where you need to differ from her previous "brother". Don't have sex with her. Just act like a responsible bigger brother should.

    Just tell her that you will keep her safe and hold her for now. Damn shame about those posters though. Can you get any new ones?

  • Dont even think about it. She is on the road to recovery, and any such actions would without a doubt cause a regression to a previous stage. Her mind has been fragmented, by aiding in its repair you will gain a VERY powerful ally.

  • I'm pretty sure Dompag has more more experience with where his dick does and does not belong than we do.

    Dompag, keep being awesome.

  • Gross.

    No, this is one lady that Dompag shall never bed.

    Well, not in that manner of the word, anyway. He might sleep next to her.

  • Don't fall for it Dompag.
    She's crazier than Red, and probably just using you to escape.

  • Scratch behind her ears like you would a dog see if that gets a positive reaction out of her.

  • Yeah, Dompag has his whole mind. Why exactly does he need the dubious advice of part of Muschio's while he's working within the realm of his expertise again?

  • Exactly, why don't we go check in on how Will and Charm are doing this fine evening. Or maybe Muschio, he still needs to hire Ona!

1117

Muschio:

Well.

It's been an interesting 24 hours.

But I've returned from my visit to Sir Ridder in one piece, and the vitriolic screaming on the upper level finally died down sometime in the small hours of the night.
Somehow we're all still alive. I just hope Dompag's done all right with the prisoner.

And now that morning's come, I realize again my world needs re-evaluation. My visit to Ridder was a strange one. Perhaps it's time to reflect, and once again, look forward.

  • I suppose it's time to examine our goals. We know that you want to build an empire, rebuild the one you lost, but...

    Do you want to build the same empire? Do you want to make something new? When your goal is in reach, Muschio, what shall you make of it?

1118

Muschio:

The experience at Ridder's base was difficult, in a word. I did not expect for the truth to come out as it did, but Ridder... simply deserved to know.
I told him the plain truth -- perhaps I omitted a few details like our captive princess -- but he knows now I was behind the fire that razed Iniziare Citta, that I am the force in the cave he was spying on. Evidently, he had no clue.

It was not easy for me to confess these trespasses against his trust and friendship. But his reaction was a startling one. Sir Ridder has decided to abandon his campaign against me, and we have agreed to remain as allies.

As for my Kingdom, I have said before I have no interest in reclaiming it. Such a clichéd notion is beyond me. No, I want to make something new and better of myself -- I want to rule all these lands, not just a small piece of them. Someday, at least, my name will be known across this entire continent.
That will take time, of course. And though Ridder has abandoned his war against me I still have that masked saboteur to contend with.

And to be honest, I find that once again, I don't know what to do next.

  • You should consider to try and not meet the same fate of the fomer kingdom. There was a reason it fell as it did.

    Maybe you should do some research, as to what was the cause of the former kingdom's downfall?

    It might help to avoid such happenings in the future. It's the least one can do to learn from the past.

  • Ridder has made his decision because he trusts you, Muschio. Certainly we will have to make 'evil' actions to build an empire, as all kingdoms have a foundation of blood and bones, but what we do in the end? We should try to build an empire that is Good. One that exists not through the terror of its people, but through the prosperity offered to them. A place where people can feel free and happy, even if that's not the whole truth.

    But first thing, let's do a run down of our defenses and our military ability. On a scale from 1 to 10, how strong in a fight would you rank everyone? And, what sort of countermeasures exist or have been added against intruders?

  • I think it's important that you do something with the princess. The best revenge you could get on her father would be successfully courting her, although with Finny head over heals in love with you that would make things more than a little awkward.
    Perhaps if Dompag were to court her then you would have one of your minions in position as heir to the throne, and with that secured you could start focusing on taking control of other areas.

  • Masturbate to thoughts of your success? See how Dompag's doing? See how the Princess is doing?

    Travel to nearby towns, and require vassalage of them?

  • Eat. The mind works best after you've had a light meal.

  • Before you can build something new, you must hunt down and disable those that destroyed your old kingdom. It doesn't much matter what or how you build from here, the same forces that fought your family before will rear their head again.

    And then there's the dark forces connected to that pendant. Who knows what their intent or relation to anything else is, but it can't bode well for you or anyone else. We are kind of on a dead end there though...

    Either way you are going to have to reach out somehow to discover more. That Volto you met before may have some insight into your kingdoms fall, but isn't likely to help. Ridders mom was there and someone you can count as an ally, if you discussed the kingdoms fall with her you may discover something. You did just leave them though, perhaps that should wait until you are up to another visit.

    To fight the dark forces... well it isn't exactly a good idea but the only ones I can think to talk to are the paladins. A bit like walking into a beasts maw with that one though.

  • Well, with the added manpower of Ridder's allies, I suggest we step out of the infancy stage of merely ruling a base...

    And find us a town to rule. From this town, we can draw tribute to fund our plots, gain a much larger workforce to fortify both the base and the commonwealth, and most importantly of all: a populace to brainwash.

    After all, what is a king without a subjects to live in fearful respect of him?

  • What if we rebuild the town we burned down?

  • Well you could set short term goals for yourself. For instance you still lack a blacksmith or a proper army to call on. The goblin and kobold tribes nearby are still not very closely tied to you.

    I would suggest seeking out the nearby dwarf settlements for a blacksmith that feels stiffled and opressed by dwarven society and wishes to ply his or her trade elsewhere. Then get some of the goblins and kobolds to relocate to your base or around it, then send a messanger to Commander Salamander asking for a trainer.

    That way you will be able to start building a more secure base for your power and soon have a force with which you can expand your domains.

  • Dompag's busy having a quiet moment. Don't interfere or you'll risk messing up his progress.

    Dompag also seems have struck up quite a rapport with the princess which, given the alleged xenophobia of the current king, is in itself a small victory.

    Don't forget you've got to offer Ona a permanent position, and be suitably impressed at her work on Charm. That kind of heavy-duty healing is good to have around in such a hazardous occupation.

    ...don't phrase it as a "position". She'll think you mean "over the table".

  • If we're looking to rule everything, we should continue to take steps towards that goal.
    Kingdoms, when you get right down to it, are basically composed of fortresses, troops, and land. We already have the first two. Our next step, then, is to gain some manner of actual presence in the world.
    That is to say, the land part.

    Why don't we go out and see about getting some towns to ally with us. Instead of trained troops like Ridder or Coriander, we'll seek the more common folk. They won't come and live with us, like Dompag or Finnie did, but it would be nice to have a town or two of people who actually know and like to see us occasionally.

    We could probably do that by going to some mostly unclaimed town or something, doing a few good deeds to impress the rubes and lightweights, and then asking them to become subjects in exchange for protection or the occasional problem solving.
    Or, barring that, we could just conquer them.

  • One must start small to get big.
    To take over other lands, you need a land of your own.
    Your home.
    So it's time to take back the Malto name and kick some ass.
    Once we get this land back, we can move on to claiming other lands.
    Or we can focus on claiming other lands... perhaps one that has a grudge against the current ruler. Your possession of the princess makes you a high value target for many sides.
    I dunno, lot of ways to go. Best thing to do is research other nations.

1119

Muschio:

These are all very good points. I'll need to set up a more secure home front and perhaps an army before I set out to conquer other lands, but before I even make myself known, I'll want to investigate a way to prepare for that army, and of course, to prepare for more incursions by whatever forces have aligned themselves against me.

I'll need a blacksmith and perhaps a trainer. Ashedel has offered to begin training the current residents in both basic and advanced combat, and she certainly seems capable for it, but managing an entire army isn't exactly under her purview.

As for Ona, after seeing the miraculous work she performed on Tislomer, I think it would be an oversight NOT to keep her on. A good doctor is invaluable, moreso when--

"GOOOOOOOD Morning~!"

"...uh?!"

  • Oh boy, has she made breakfast?

    Eat porridge.
    Trip balls.

  • She was having SOME kind of nice dreams earlier, we don't know what about. Hopefully not you. She's probably just on a good trip, go along with it and try not to provoke any sudden mood swings.

  • Well well well, someone is in a good mood.

  • "Is this one of those rape things?"

  • Say goodmorning back. And tell her that she looks spectacular this fine morning. Sit down and eat breakfast, say it's good even if it's not. Offer her to work for you.

    As for what you need to make an army. Blacksmith would be the most immediate one, that or enough funds to buy weapons and armour for them. Getting a mage would probably be a good idea as well. You seem to have quite a bit of magical powers in you, with training you might be able to duplicate that mountain blowing trick without having to burn with the rage of betrayel.

  • this

  • A good blacksmith dwarf could be found in some mountains. Isn't there a volcano somewhere around the land that would likely house them? Even if not, acquiring the volcano could be a good resource since a source of magma is always useful for a blacksmith and for army traps. The Vault doesn't seem suited to house an army yet and it might be a good time to attain some land as well and I believe that valcano is a good place as any.

  • Quick, persuade her into a good contract deal with you while she's all mesed up! you could get her to work for you for a lot less than if you negotiated with her after she sobered up.

1120

Muschio:

"Ah, Ona. I hope you slept well last night? I was h-"

"Yep! Your bed's pretty comfy. Sorry for kickin' you out of your room, but if you had a proper guest bed that wouldn't happen."

"Well, it's not really a problem. But I was w-"

"Hey, c'mon now. We'll talk later. Right now, it's breakfast time! The most important meal of the day!"

She leads me out to the grand hall where the majority of my staff has assembled. There is a large breakfast spread here. Did Ona make all this? It smells delicious. There's even eggs and sausage.

The kobolds are preoccupied with each others company, but Finesse politely says good morning, and Ashedel murmurs something through a mouthful of food. Ona just smiles as she sets down the bowl she was stirring.

"Come on, sit! Eat up! There's plenty for everyone. You could stand to put on some weight anyway!"

  • Is there butter?

  • I know what you are thinking LD, and I just want to let you know that I support your idea completely.

  • yes, fuckin butter

    still, as for managing an army- that's what Ridder is for.
    Moving on...
    POUR BUTTER! ON EVERYTHING/ONE

  • Dig in. Thank Ona for the feast. Do not question where all this food came from.

  • Ona is totally hired.

  • SQUAD MORALE RESTORED

  • Ask Ona what she out in the food. Tell her you're just curious. I have the suspicion the food is laced with LSD.

  • ?

    This woman knows what she's talking about.
    All true monarchs are LARGE AND IN CHARGE.
    EAT!

  • The food will be from a comically disgusting source. A spit-take will be cliche and you said you don't like cliches, so don't.

  • Say "You should've seen the guy who owned this place before."

    Quietly wonder if it's some kind of curse.

1121

Muschio:

"You certainly seem to be in a good mood."

"Oh, what can I say? I love to cook!"

"Where did you get all this food?"

"I made most of it! Tislomer let me use the haul from her hunt this morning."

"You know how to make sausage? I didn't think we even had equipment for it."

"It's a little harder by hand, but like I said, I love to cook."

Before yesterday, I hadn't had a home-cooked meal in... a long time. It's a welcome change of pace.

This is delicious.
"You're hired."

"A little birdy told me you'd want to offer me a job. And hey, I guess I got nowhere better to be, so count me on board."

  • inb4 everyone starts trippin' balls

  • Is there any rose jam? How about rye bread?

  • Well keep eating. You could stand to put some meat on your bones. Tell her you will have a room built for her as soon as you can.

    Get those little digger creatures on it after you're done eating.

  • "You were hired for your medical skills. This is just delicious gravy on top of that."

  • Oh I don't think she drugs food. She just knows how to take care of the inevitable munchies, drug induced or not.

  • Stuff your face entirely full of sausages.

  • Ah, but Magnificent Bastards tend to be skinnier.

  • Between Ona and Tilsomer, you might be able to relieve yourself of the accidental poisoning's lingering harm. Putting yourself into better physical shape can open more opportunities to you. Looking as though you're wasting away can undercut people's confidence in you.

  • So how did you end up with that random gnoll?

    But questions later, first food!

  • Read Knight Blades.
    ALL OF IT.

  • That's actually a pretty good idea. It's unlikely anyone would accuse you of burning down the town that you're currently rebuilding, and Ridder would be even less inclined to mention it.

  • Alright, first goal confirmed. Get a blacksmith, metal-smith,utensil-smith, whatever that can make cooking devices to help Ona make delicious cooking easier as well as help your army prepare for battle.

  • how do we know the girl with dompag isn't fairly proficient in the art of blacksmithery? If he re-habilitates her then we hire her, that's an added bonus for us!

  • Have you ever seen a scrawny blacksmith?

    Update the wiki article for Knight Blades, all of it. With the abridged version.

1122

Muschio:

Yes. A blacksmith and any preparations I can make for an army would help. I'll have to see what I can learn about what remains of Iniziare Citta, and maybe see if I can amass some forces from the locals. I'll talk to Finesse and Ashedel about the latter, they're good strategists.

"Oh! Dompag! Uh, good morning."

"Wow, smells good in here. But I'm gonna have to get our two meals to go."

"Is uh... I heard a lot of screaming last night. Like, a lot. Is everything okay with the new girl?"

"Mm? Oh, yeah, actually, I think we made some good progress. But she's still gonna need a few days or so to recover."

1123

Muschio:

1124

Muschio:

"...I didn't mean like THAT!"

  • Swallow before you choke.

  • He means it boss. We were 'there' for part of the night. He was the best choice of handlers for her, him being fireproof and all.

  • Chew, swallow and tell Dompag he did some good work.

    You know, I think that maybe you should focus more on the monstrous races than the races of man for your support. That way you can build something truly new rather than just raise something from the ashes.

  • Toss us to Ona.

    Ona: This was not one of those rape things. We watched them the entire time, and Dompag was a perfect gentleman.

  • Geppa tried engulfing Dompag in fire, but it didn't work. She freaked out for a bit, and then proceeded to call Dompag her brother.

  • So....who's guarding the princess?

  • A very good question!

  • Then said OK.

  • Make that three plates, the princess deserves some good eats too. I mean, if she can smell this but can't have any that's just cruel and unreasonable punishment.

  • (Also, what happened with meeting Ridder.)
    >>/questdis/329956

  • That was a request for courtship, not engagement.

    You silly person.

  • that's a good point, Dompag was supposed to bring the princess that wine and cheese, but if he hasn't, that means she's been alone and without food since around some time yesterday evening! It would be Dompag's obligation as an upstanding gentleman not to cater to her!

1125

Muschio:

Wine? Cheese? I forbid it! The princess Vittima -- that misbegotten harlot -- is to live on gruel as long as she's here!
Which reminds me!

"Ona! Is there any gruel left?"

"Wh--you don't like my mash?"

"Not for me, for the captive."

"Oh, don't worry. I already brought her some scrambled eggs and sausage before you got out here."

"YOU DID WHAT?!"

"Whoa! I'm sorry Mister Muschio! Am I in trouble?"

  • Muschio? She's innocent. She has done absolutely nothing to you, and Dompag has gotten her to be a bit sympathetic.

  • Remember: failure of the cogs is failure of the mechanic. You (uh, we) never actually specified a diet for your captive.

  • yeah, kinda just put her in the thing and told dompag to watch her.

    besides, stockholm syndrome is already setting in. soon she will feel that she must protect you in spite of being your captive. when that day comes you can let her out of the cage and she wont even try to flee.

  • She is all cheery and pleasant, Muschio, and you enjoy her cooking. Just tell her not to do it again.

  • She's not in trouble. She didn't know.

    Muschio, you really need to figure out some way of getting this revenge out of your system so you can move on, and concentrate on your goal. I guess that's our job, though. Tell me, has anyone identified those potions we got? Perhaps there is something there for us to use.

  • Muschio, she may be the child of your enemies, but such petty punishment would be akin to how you suffered for your parents disposal.

    Now, I'm not saying you have to give her back but, you aren't actually angry at 'her' if anything your jealous. Jealous that she got to live the life you had planned on.

    This should really be more to punish her parents, for their part in your downfall, and nothing is worse than a child turned against you.

  • CALM YOURSELF. Fucking hell man, you want to rule the world but can't even be cordial to a single person you don't like? FRIENDS CLOSE, ENEMIES CLOSER! And that doesn't mean killing them, it means paying attention to them and using them to your advantage. I have in the princess perhaps the means to bring down that whole kingdom, and you need to put your feelings aside to accomplish that.

    Or are you really the monstrous villain Ridder thought lived here? Is cruelty hate and vengeance your only means to your ends?

1126

Muschio:

punishment would be akin to how you suffered for your parents disposal.

EXACTLY WHY IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE.

I would love a more diplomatic solution but I would also love to cut her into LITTLE TINY PIECES. It's hard to attempt diplomacy when the very SIGHT of her makes bile rise in my throat.

"...No, Miss Openda. You're not in trouble. You simply didn't know. But from now on, please refrain from such exchanges with the captive except under my supervision."

"Right. Of course. I will know better next time."

  • How is it appropriate to become what you hate? Maybe Ridder was right before, about the master of this place after all.

  • How can you have the right to control the world if you can't even control yourself? You should be better than this.

  • This is what outsourcing is for. Let Dompag continue. Although he's now got two jobs, so it might be worth trying to cycle someone else into general front-door guard duty.

  • Hey.

    Dompag wants to fuck her.

    What if she gets PREGNANT? Wouldn't that just be delicious? Send her home, packing a half-ogre baby.

  • Put Geppa in the room with her unsupervised. This will solve all your problems!

  • Well then... what exactly do you plan on doing with her? I mean aside from the cutting into little pieces.

    We can't exactly send her back either, unless you plan on moving to a more secure base she doesn't know, so ransom is kinda out.

    Or shall we just let her sit an think of something else? Perhaps we need to look at the map and consider what locales we need to strengthen our influence in?

  • It's just some scrambled eggs. Deep breaths, Muschio, deep breaths.

  • I think it's less of a "what" he hates, it's more of a "who" he hates. Muschio's no moralist, philosophically he doesn't care of much of what he becomes or what he's like. He's not above brutality, scheming, backstabbing, and such. It's been established he'll do good for the people he likes and bad for those who have wronged him with barely a flinch.

    Hell, fellow orblings, why have we all become such moral twats lately. We just don't desire to burn bridges with friends and allys. We're fucking practical. Have we forgotten our origin? This man's head. Our goal may not to be a devil anymore, but we sure as hell don't have to be some Saint.

    Well, it's not like being kind to the princess has no practical interest. If we manage to hide knowledge of our inevitable army from her, it could be of use later in some form of strategical ambush and a great backstab.

  • Muschio, Muschio. Think for a moment.

    She's the princess of the royalty which overthrew you. She's next in line to be Queen. Instead of putting fear in her and making her see you as an enemy, why not take the opposite route? Then you would have an ally on the inside, who could undermine the current king and queen from within the kingdom.

    Get her on your side, and you'll have more powerful a weapon than you could even begin to imagine. You sow the seeds of distrust towards her parents in her, and it'll be a harvest with untold bounty.

  • 's a good point, if she is on your side you will obtain serious funds, lands and people which you can turn into a propper war machine.

1127

Muschio:

Oh yes it's easy for YOU to be impartial, detached as you are! But in this woman I see every wrong that's been wrought upon me in my whole wretched life! She is the cultrate void so hewn from my own stolen past! The entire reason I'm an outcast here instead of a soigné prince on a gilded throne where I belong! The reason I was nearly MURDERED AS A CHILD!
These recreants killed my mother and father bequeathing me a childhood of crimson samite, and now the furacious usurpers, they reive my father's legacy, then gloat and chortle upon their false throne!
And this WOMAN, this cuculine whore stands now in MY CELL, the very spawn of her necrophagous father's loins! And you admonish me when I floccify her? To hell with your scolding!

  • Ask Ona for some hopweed or nanroot.

  • Do you mind repeating that in english?

  • woah jesus holy cow man jeez!

  • Hey. We're apart of you which means at some point and time you feel/felt the things we bring up.

    Have the decency to let Dompag do what he wants and at the same time she'll be out of your sight. You're an evil badass who's going to build a powerful kingdom through tricker, power and strategy. Gaining a powerful ally such as the princess? Makes you puke but you must've taken acting at prince school.

  • You don't have to like her, you dolt. She doesn't even have to like you. You don't have to be personally involved.

    But you can make better creative use of her as a tool to sow chaos amongst aformentioned usurperous government if she's inclined to like your minions despite her captivity. If you put her in a hateful and uncooperative mood your options reduce to pretty much killing her.

    ...I suppose you could repeat your vanishing-love trick and leave her parents forever searching for her, uncertain of her fate.

  • she is everything that is wrong in his world

    if left alone in a room together there would be only little bits of her
    aka "me no likey"

  • ...floccify? You use obscure words when you're stressed, huh.

    I like my plan of having Dompag get her pregnant, but... ask Ona if she has any spells she can use to turn her into something hideous.

  • Master your hate, and you shall master the wounds set upon you. You will ally or manipulate her to your cause. You will help her take your kingdom from those who have taken it from you.

    You will use her to kill her parents, destroy your enemies, and bring an end that entire kingdom.

    Only there, in that rubble, can your empire arise.

  • I think you need to chill out, man. Ask Ona if she's got anything to mellow you. Too many harsh vibes, man. All that negative energy's bad for your chi.

  • You were nearly murdered because you were the child of a king.
    You want to murder her because she is the child of a king.

    You need to remember to only hold people accountable for their own actions. Her father is a murderer, but she is innocent.
    If you can't regard a person on their own merits and failings instead of the actions of others, then you are completely unfit to rule.

  • Still, you can't say your life hasn't been a lot more... interesting than it likely would've been otherwise.

    You are projecting a lot of things onto this girl that she isn't in the least bit responsible for to begin with, although I can't really blame you. Just try to bear in mind: she is the method of your revenge, not the target. So let's just continue to hold off on the drawing and quartering for now, mmkay?

1128

Muschio:

I am aware of her use as a tool. That's the only reason she's still alive, instead of resting in a hundred pieces in the bellies of as many wild hounds.
But do not for the space of one breath dare tell me "she's next in line for the throne". I intend on dismantling that entire hierarchy, and enacting my vengeance on King Rimontaggio, well before she can ever ascend to the throne. That procession of power will never happen, because I will happen first.

Never forget that she is not the next nor the rightful heir to the throne.

I am.

  • I think you need some sort of eye-wear to don when you're scheming and looking evil, dude. A monocle, or sunglasses.

  • Look at it this way, what better way to get revenge on the current king and queen to see their daughter has turned on them, that through their own flesh and blood they will die.

    And what's the alternative? in the past, what's it been, months? you have gathered a grand total of half a dozen servants. How many soldiers does this kingdom your facing have? hundreds? thousands? tens of thousands?
    You'll be too old to lead an army without an opportunity like this.

  • Hey, I'm just sayin' you'll get more flies with honey than with vinegar.

    But whatever, suit yourself. If bread and water is all you want her to get, then go a head with that.

  • There's an easy way to destroy the regime.

    Keep her here.

    Poison the king, AND THE queen, with infertility drugs.

    Watch as the kingdom dies in a slow, drawn out war of succession among random family members.

    Take over when they are weak.

  • I think he just needs to get out of his PJ's and comb his hair before trying to look dramatic.

  • Did we say she was? No.
    If you want to punish her, then do so by killing her parents.

  • Don't worry, some of us hate her as well. Or just don't care. But she could be a useful tool in destroying her parents. We should probably not make Dompag too attached to her though, he is a useful minion and it would be a shame if the princess and her parents inevitable end makes him leave your employ.

    You know there is something you should ask Ona when you're in a more private setting. See if she knows of any ways to ensure that a female will become pregnant. That way you can make sure that the princess gets preggers when Dompag taps that. Send her back to her father and see the results. That should piss him off quite a bit and ruin their familial happiness for quite a while. After all having a halfogre grandchild would hardly be appropriate for him. Then when his kingdom is crushed and his end is neigh, you tell him it was you who masterminded it all along.

  • Yes, because assassinating a king and queen is easy, simple, or even remotely doable with our current assets.

  • This works too.

  • Hey, Mr. Negative. You need to like, chill, man. Everyone there'll think you've gone off the deep end if you keep arguing with yourself.

  • Okay, so... ransom her, then return her somehow damaged.

  • Hehehe, Mushio, you're the rightful ruler of the world because you will take it all. Or make it all burn in the attempt. And that is why you're the rightful one. Good to see this side of you again by the way.

  • Haha well don't worry, we wouldn't say "next in line" as if she'd ever really get there. It is only significance to those who assume they would retain rule, we say it in that context of her value to them. But we'll try to avoid that language all the same, as it seems to... irk you.

    And you're still going to have to someday be able to retain your ability to reason in front of her, or others of that line without foaming at the mouth. Your anger is a point of vulnerability, do not forget that.

  • Send a ransom note asking the king and queen to come alone and bring a certain sum of money to a specified location. They'll probably think it's a simple kidnapping for money and not go out in full force or even just alone. You can then slaughter all three of them and rise to power in the chaos as a pillar of order.

  • I would like to restate my plan from much earlier.
    Transmogrification potion.
    Dump her in some random town.
    She suffers your same fate and effectively disappears before anyone can track her to you.
    Delicious revenge. Problem solved.

  • You are really sounding like you want to reclaim that kingdom after all Mushie. Priority check. Which is more important, revenge, or your own legacy? The are likely not mutually exclusive, but we need a primary.

  • oooooh I like this one, we do have poisons, and even a witch doctor now, I wonder if the question of succession has even been considered? Do they have a son we shall be forced to remove for maximum effect?

    Wait! Don't we have spies? what are they spying on if not our enemies. We should be having some updates on the kingdom now that the Ridder buisness has been put to rest.

1129

Muschio:

I'm not going to poison the King and Queen with infertility. I plan to have their heads rolling in the city square LONG before they could even complete a pregnancy cycle anyway. How clear do I need to make this? I am not going to weasel my way back into the throne which is so rightfully mine. I am not going to let them wither slowly as years and years cause infighting, I am not going to marry the princess, and I am sure as hell not going to have a whore like that carrying my child.
I am going to take what is mine.

For the time I've forbidden Dompag from laying with the Princess, but don't think I've shelved the idea of throwing her to him a personal slave as a Plan B. Personally I don't think carrying a half-breed child would make a woman seem disgusting, but I'm certain the old Kingdom would be appalled.

But you're right -- I've lingered too long already. There is still much to be done. My sphere of influence must grow, and money must come with it. Then I can set about raising an army to undo the rebel king.

For this, I will turn to Ashedel and Finesse, my planners.

  • Ah, there's the man I...
    er...

    Splintered off of and became a seperate entity from. Er. Doesn't quite roll of the tongue...

    At any rate, YES. Finesse will help you with the fine details, and Ashedel will be our long-term planner.

  • Hey Muschi, how about this?: Weaken the other lands, rule some covertly or overtly, then kill the current traitorous king and queen and royal court, install King Dompag with his pregnant princess and then have him bequeath the kingdom to you. Then your united forces will destroy all else who stand in your way. Sounds fun, at least?

  • Finesse should help with long-term planning, since her timescale is a lot longer than most.

  • She is the next and rightful heir to her father's house, which currently holds the throne. Obviously, the throne rightfully belongs to our house. Nonetheless, she is next in line for the throne.

    Giving her to Dompag is indeed the ideal disposal method, should we find we have no need of her. However, until we find that we certainly have no need of her, we must endeavor to treat her as well as we can. Even in lieu of that, she must be treated as well as is convenient. And thus it is entirely acceptable that she receive eggs should she so desire, as we do not lack for them. It's not like they're so much better than gruel anyways, many people who could have eggs prefer gruel. It's a pointless insult, and may well be anemic to our ends.

  • Yes an after dinner planning session is probably just what you need.

    I just happen to have a plan for getting money and an army as well lying around. First step is the blacksmith that you will need to arm your soldiers. Then you need to tie the goblin and kobold tribes in the forest closer to you. Preferably get some of the younger ones that might not have alot to inherit to settle on your lands under your protection. In return for that privilege they will serve in your armed forces.

    While that is going on, you will use possibly Gepa and Ona to raise hell in Sepia town. Gepa can deal with the violent gang part of the buisness while Ona will flood the streets with drugs. What little order there is will crumble and the more honest citizens will cry out for a saviour. That is when you and your army arrives, and thanks to the fact that both Gepa and Ona works for you, you can scale down the chaos quickly and restore order. In return the town has to swear alliegance to you and the inhabitants has to serve in your armed forces. You should also set up an internal police force to make sure things stay quiet there while you seek to expand elsewhere.

    So Mushio, there you have it. A plan to expand your power, sphere of influence and wealth.

  • You make it sounds like Dompag doesn't treat her as well as we can. Cheese and wine, remember.

    What is our financial situation, anyway? Has the trickle of income from kobold endeavours built up, or has it been paying wages?

1130

Muschio:

With the grand table cleared, we begin planning. My two assistants gather around the map.

"Ladies, tell me what we're looking at."

Finesse opens the discussion.

"Master. The Denlings show that we have growing influence in this region. Kobold and Goblin tribes in communication with those we've allied with are rapidly spreading word of our power, and even those we have had neither direct nor indirect contact with are becoming aware of a great power growing in what was once Red Fang's lair. Alliance isn't good enough -- we need fealty.

It's all the better because of its strategic position: It's near us, and helps block off routes in and out of Piacevole. With this under our full control we'd have them all but cornered, but their backs would be to the sea, which would still give them an advantage.

If we let the situation in the woods boil for a while longer, the entire forest could be in a perfect position to sweep in and conquer in a single grand move. Then we could tax them as well as recruit their troops wholesale. It just needs a bit more time, I think."

  • That plan isn't halfbad either. But you should probably see if you can't get a status update from your ally in the tower. It would be good to know what progress she has made and what forces she might be able to field if you need them.

  • Very well then, but there is something we are going to need to make heads roll the old fashioned way... blade and magefodder. They have an army, we have... a team of specialists.

    We need more monsters from our portal. A 'lot' of them. This is something to consider while we are out and about.

  • What of the town to the north of Coriander's tower?

  • Okay. If we're giving it a bit more time, we'll turn our eyes elsewhere for the nonce.

    Well, to acheive that, we should establish something on the river. A toll booth for now, but one that could close all trade on the river when the time comes.

  • Do not under any circumstances hand her off to Dompag. He is way too nice to do anything near what she deserves. He might even set her free if he had the choice.

  • Since it's right outside her tower, controlling the river seems like a perfect occupation to suggest to our Eastern ally next time we have reason to head over there.

  • Just gonna gesture towards this:

    In case you didn't hear.

    And this seems like a sound course of action.
    Perhaps we could even use the remains of Iniziare...
    Hm. I wonder if anyone else has taken advantage of the city's ruining. We should check it out.

1131

Muschio:

"Excellent work as always, Finesse. Thank you for that report and all the intelligence that went into it."

"It's my pleasure, Master Muschio."

"Ashedel, what about our broader strategies?"

"Sir. We want to focus on the Eastern front of the continent for the time being. And in this regard we have two primary areas of focus: The Northern settlement of the Red Mesas, and the Southern bay city of Tela Cruz.

The Red Mesas are situated near the only overland passage to the continent -- though passage out is strictly impossible, traders routinely enter, then return by other means. A great deal of Piacevole's wealth comes from imports. We could cripple their influence by taking the Red Mesas and bringing them under our control.

As for Tela Cruz, this flourishing port city provides not only a strategic location to sever river access for Piacevole AND launch a naval front, it is also another massive trade hub that like the Red Mesas would provide great income and cripple that of Piacevole."

"Any complications?"

"Yes sir. The Red Mesas are currently undergoing a bloody civil war, and Tela Cruz may as well be a fortress. It's controlled by a powerful Czar who has many allies. Toppling him would be difficult, and it is unlikely he would easily swear allegiance to another."

"I see."

  • Lets go for the Red Mesas. Civil wars brings with them many oppurtunities for a cunning fellow like yourself.

  • Civil war sounds good: a nice big tinderbox just waiting for the right sparks here and there.

  • A civil war... they could not have made things better, just the place in need of a iron grip to bring it under control. If we play things right there they could well beg us to be their sovereign.

  • Undermine his allegiances, ally with his enemies, assassinate him and take everything for ourselves.

  • So. We want to assassinate the Czar. Depending on how things go, we could end up with a relatively bloodless coup there. But to ensure our dominance, we'd be best off with an army of goblins that we could let in through the gates after causing some havok as a distraction.

    We'd also like to end the civil war. We could do this by lending our strength to one faction, and dominating the other, in exchange for fealty. But this would require a significant fighting force.

    So our immediate endeavors must be limited to the laying of groundwork.

  • Are you speaking of the Czar or the usurper of North Piacevole? Because applying that treatment to the former would be counter productive, and applying it to the latter has ever been out plan.

  • Hey, the Red Mesas are right next to Ridder. Perhaps he has some intel on them, or something.

1132

Muschio:

"Civil war is not an obstacle. It's an opportunity. I'll be heading to the Red Mesas as soon as possible. We'll push through the sparkling forest using Ridder's land as safe passage as far as we can, but due to our recent conference I feel another meeting would be awkward and untimely. Once we've given him time to come to terms with our alliance though, his territory can act as a link between this area and the Mesas. As for the Czar, we'll leave him for now, but I foresee a potential assassination unseating him and allowing us to move in almost unopposed to seize power."

"Good plan, Master."

"Now I just need to determine who's going to accompany me to the Red Mesas."

"Sir? One last thing on top of that, if I may be so forward."

"Yes, Ashedel, go ahead."

"I think Commander Salamander could be tapped as an ally regarding the Czar, especially given Salamander Tower's proximity to Tela Cruz. With your permission I'd like to begin some scouting and intel-gathering on the Czar through the Commander's forces. Perhaps we can even have her help begin preparations for a coup."

  • "Make it happen. Finesse, you're with me."

  • Okay, commence information gathering upon the Czar.

    Also, what, why would we take Finesse? There's no real excuse this time around. Take... uh. Wait, who is actually available? Maybe the excuse would be that she's the only one who can go anywhere at the moment.

  • Pretty much, she's clever, and in a place needing subterfuge she can pass off as a non-combatant quite easily.

    However, we should suggest to her that she consider manufacturing more weaponized gadgetry.

  • Yeah Ashedel's plan sounds quite solid. Bring Finesse with you, just see if she can't make some more weaponised gadgets for you before you leave, like that wrist crossbow thing. For instance a springloaded sheath for your dagger could be a bit useful.

  • I agree: tapping Commander Coriander Salamander is the best idea.

  • You should probably, at some point, think up something regarding official treaties with friendly powers such as Commander Salamander. A just ruler such as yourself must offer assurances of fairness, consideration and appropriate generosity with allies and followers.

    While you're visiting her, you should take the time to find out what the Commander's overall goals are, just to be sure they do not conflict with yours and that you do not accidentally tread on her toes. You may even find opportunity to help her on your later endeavors, and so secure a good reputation with those considering how to dispose themselves towards you.

  • bringing a noncombatant goblin with you to a warzone is not a good idea. it would be simpler to go by yourself, or with an ally adept at diplomacy.

  • Babrakus is clearly the best choice to roll with Muschio. He's the best at diplomacy.

  • Seriously Muschio, the only thing we've done with him so far was his romance quest line. With the two of you, it'll be like two totally chill bros taking on a civil war.

    Goddamn, I can feel icicles forming it's so chill.

  • Tislomer would want to come to. Come to think of it, we've never brought more than two people with Muschio at a time before, have we?

  • If we do then they'll all get sucked into the end of time.

  • ?

    put a hat on!

1133

Muschio:

"Finesse, you're with me this time. I may need someone to help negotiations."

"Yes Master."

"Do you have any new devices for me that might assist this endeavor?"

"Ah, no, Master. My apologies. I have something that's nearly finished but it still isn't functional yet. I will try to have it ready for our next outing, though."

"Very well."

"Hey, Mister Muschio!"

"Yes, Miss Openda. What is it?"

"Eh, so like, um, if you're still gone tonight, can I have your bed again? I'd rather not sleep out in the... y'know, the co-ed barracks."

"Oh. Certainly, I don't see why not."

"Hey, thanks!"

Miss Openda's concerns are well-placed, and after having seen Ridder's operation, perhaps it's time I invested in a similar system: two larger living quarters, separated by gender, might help now that we find our ranks swelling faster. I could set the Odds to work on it before I leave, I suppose.

  • May as well. If the Odds aren't working constantly to expand the base we're wasting resources.

  • If you REALLY wanna see your ranks swell faster, do the exact opposite of separating the genders.

  • As quickly as kobolds breed I still don't think Muschio plans on waiting three years for likely marginal troops via that method.

1134

Muschio:

I suppose Finesse is my best choice for accompaniment on this mission. Ashedel has set out towards Salamander Tower, so the only others I could feasibly bring along are Ona and the two Kobolds, but I don't see them being much help on this outing.

Ashedel's intelligence report says that the Red Mesas are in a state of civil war split between two forces: The Matriarch and the Patriarch. They used to rule together, as a king and queen would, but for reasons that accounts vary on, they fractured off into two warring groups and are now wholly consumed in a bloody grab for power, with each side determined to come out as the absolute ruler of the Red Mesas.

Oh, this should be interesting.

  • Maybe we can get the king and queen back together again~

  • I am getting a suspicious vibe, we need to have someone/thing keep an eye on Openda.

  • Do not forget the former Mesa at Ridder's base. He may be a good source of further information.

1135

Muschio:

Err... yeah... I suppose Ridder does have a Mesa...dweller... whatever they're called... in his employ.

But... eeeeeh... we left on a rather awkward note. I'd rather leave him time to piece things together on his own than bother him again so soon. Things went as well as can be expected but I know Ridder. He needs time. We have to let this set a while.
If it becomes that important I suppose I could talk to him, if pressed, but I really want to avoid it if possible.

  • We don't have to stay for dinner or anything, just don't want to run in there half-cocked. Like when that woman at the tower turned out to be a wizard.

  • Ask Ona for some sex drugs.

  • Ok, yeah. Let's leave Ridder alone for a bit.

  • ...Going to have to agree. They might come in handy, and it's not like anyone's gonna freak out at you just for holding onto them.

    Go ahead and leave Muschio alone.

  • Oh also ask Tislomer if she found out what any of Dermane Zal's potions do.

  • Hmm. Avoid talking to Ridder for now, it would just be awkward. Maybe just head there and scout about? Don't attempt to get involved, just sort of hang around and get a feel for what's going on?

    Staying out of the battlezones would also be wise.

1136

Muschio:

I don't see what point drugs will serve on a mission like this, but I won't argue the point.
"Miss Openda, as long as you're here, do you mind lending me some of your 'medicines'?"

"Oh, sure. I'll spot you some freebies. It's the least I could do. What do you need? Ipspim? Nanroot?"

"I'm not familiar with those herbs."

"Oh, well, just tell me what you need it for, and I'll see what I can do."

I'll think on that for a minute.

"Oh, and Tislomer -- any progress analyzing Dermane Zal's potion collection?"

"Yeah! There's some neat stuff in there. Most of them are just light healing or empowering potions, I think, but there's some really neat ones we're still working on figuring out! This one for instance I just got figured out!"

  • "Do tell, Tislomer."

  • A powerful love potion is always useful, as long as you don't screw it up. Get the queen to fall for you, get the king to fall for the queen, then work the politics a little to have them both exiled for treason while you assume the throne.
    A sleeping potion would be useful as well.

  • "Oh? What is it?"
    You should probably bring a couple healing potions in case you get penetrated.
    Ask Ona for drugs that would make someone more receptive, but not necessarily trip balls.

1137

Muschio:

"Oh? And what is it?"

"Watch!"

"Tislomer, wh-!!"

1138

Muschio:

"Ha ha ha! Neat, right?!"

...

"Oh come on, it's only temporary!"

  • Be kind, give a smile or small laugh.

  • ...is this one of those rape things?

  • Ask how long it lasts.

1139

Muschio:

"At least I think it's temporary."

  • Apply palm to face.
    Make note of looking for antidote.
    Also: Tell her to SAVE any remaining potions like that one.

  • Facepalm hard enough for it to be audible.
    "Go make sure."

  • uh

    is she male now

  • Well this should be interesting for Babrakus.

  • DONTLOOKATTHEBULGEDONTLOOKATTHEBULGEDONTLOOKATTHEBULGE

  • Ask her if she can replicate the potions.

1140

Muschio:

"Tislomer, can you replicate the potions?"

"Some of 'em, yeah. With the right stuff I mean!"

"What about this one?"

"Oh, no way! Way too confusing!"

...

"Are you SURE this is a temporary potion?"

"I was! Now I'm less sure. But isn't it cool?"

  • "... Go show Babrakus..."

  • Well s̶h̶e̶ he seems pretty okay with it. No reason to try and reverse it as soon as possible!

  • Uh, yeah, it's pretty cool. What exactly IS Tislomer now? Doesn't look like a gnoll.

  • Can you make a kobold transform potion just in case? Or is the transformation potions too complex?

  • What the hell is she? Some kind of gnoll?

  • "...Not as cool as the regular you. Make sure you turn back soon, if it's temporary then make it go away faster."

  • A gnollbold?

1141

Muschio:

I have no idea what she 'is' now.
"...just make sure you go back to normal soon."

"Oh, but wait! I can do this! Look! HhhhhHHHRRAAAAAAAAAHAHHRHRHHAHHAASSSSSSSPPPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKESSS!"

  • ...DON'T show Babrakus.

  • "Is this one of those rape things?"

  • ... Show Babrakus.

  • We should bring Tislomer with us.

  • HOLY CRAP

    Ask if she(he, now?) wants to come along as an enforcer or something.

  • My reaction upon seeing that was "OH SHIT!". I suggest you tell Tislomer not to do that ever again.

  • Then it will wear off at the worst possible moment.

  • Those pants must be under extraordinary pressure.

  • Oh my. Maybe... I don't know, we could take her.. it... along? I mean wow.

    Oh and I think Ona might be getting one of those "rape things" vibes again.

1142

Muschio:

"Oh! Ha! There, see? I told you it was temporary!"

  • NOW go show Babrakus.

  • This.

  • "So Ona, about those drugs. How about something to make someone more... receptive?"
    Raise your eyebrows suggestively as well.

  • Uh... I think you should try and calm Ona down. She looks like she's going to explode or something.

  • Is there another one of those potions? That would be an AWESOME ace up our sleeves.

  • Actually something that makes people more receptive in a non-suggestive manner might be really useful. Y'know, assuming we could somehow drug someone who has no desire to listen to us.
    Let's just get something that'll make people say, "Dude, I am so totally high right now."

  • Well... let's say "facilitating diplomacy". By any and all means.

  • Tell her to go see Babrakus immediately.

    Also, Muschio, I think you should look further into the situation with the Mesas. How long have they been at war, and how recent is your intelligence regarding the war? I think a return visit to Ridder's may be called for, despite the unsteady note you left on. If he has a bug...thing... there then he probably knows something about it.

  • I wonder what would happen if Dompag drank that.

  • Charm, cover your shame!

  • Is she still huge? That was an awesome potion by the way. You should probably tell her not to use the ones she can't replicate that quickly.

    Anyway, lets get some motherfucking drugs. Some sexual potency enhancers could be useful, you never know when they might be needed. As could some relaxants that make someone more receptive to being convinced. And stimulants that make you more awake and give you some extra speed could be useful as well.

  • Ona breaking in slow motion.

  • It's like a berserker pack :D

    You HAVE GOT to get your hands on some more of those. There will most likely be a time in your future when you'll need to become a man and a half.

  • Actually, that's pretty damn awesome. Ona's reaction alone proves it's worth. Please do pick your jaw up Ona.

  • Damnit, how the hell do her eyes get that HUEG?

  • cover your eyes and turn away, she is indecent.

  • Special herbs and spices.
    Oh, and plenty of practise when she thinks Rape is incoming.

  • ?

    tell her to figure out that fucking potion as soon as possible, then mass produce it.

  • Muschio: Leave now, we can't do much more here.

    Switchin' back to Dompag time!

  • inb4 Dompag has already bedded her.

  • yes, I dare say it is time to check up on that rascal dompag

  • Before we wander off, have Tislomer gather up some healing potions and ask Babrakus the throw together a little box for them.

    Once we get to the Mesa we will need to pick a faction to side with and can use this as a present to prove our good intentions.

  • listen to this man. include expensive 'gift' items.

    in fact, just bring the kobolds and take a few days to examine their culture, and be as prepared with your negotiations as possible.

1143

Dompag:

Eh? What're you doin' here? Shouldn't you be keeping an eye on the boss? He and Finnie left a few hours ago.

I don't really have time to talk. Lookin' after Geppa at the moment. We're about to have lunch.
Don't wanna be rude here, but could you go see someone else for now?

  • Let's go talk to Ona then!

  • Make sure to ask her if she likes the crust cut off. Also Ona sounds like someone we should be staring at right now.

  • How's Geppa behaving?

  • No problem, buddy. To the boss brain!

  • It looks like Dompag's got things under control, and with his ways with ladies I'm sure Geppa will continue on this path. Let's roll with Babrakus, we haven't seen what he's up to in a while. MAYBE HE HAS A NEW HAMMER!

1144

CharmedFrightened:

AAAA WHAT ARE YOU DOING
SHOO
Go away me and Will are trying to figure out how this works SO GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE YOU GUYS

  • No.

  • Don't worry, we're here to help.
    Are you using protection?

  • Er... Who else has a shard? Ona and Finnie are all I can think of D:

1145

CharmedFrightened:

NOOO
GO AWAY WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT OURSELVES

  • I already said no.

  • CHARMED. USE PROTECTION.

  • INSERT TAB A INTO SLOT B

  • OK FINE!

    Let's go see Ona, so we can piss her off too.

1146

Ona:

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
HEY! WHAT-!
GET OUT OF HERE!
I'M TAKING A BATH YOU F--
GET OUT! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!
GO AWAY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

  • NO! Show us your tits!

  • IT'S ONE OF THOSE RAPE THINGS

  • OH GOD OH GOD CALM DOWN WE AREN'T LOOKING WE CAN'T SEE A DAMN THING JUST FUCKING STAY UNDER THE WATER WE ARE JUST BORED AND ARE TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE TO ENTERTAIN US OR HELP
    JEEZ

  • Hi Ona, hope you have midwife training... You gunna need it in the next few months.

  • Now back to Charmed.

  • WE CAN'T SEE ANYTHING FROM HERE, RELAX

    Also we're kind of running out of options here. Pretty please?

  • ahahahaha yesssssss

  • Mission accomplished! Now let's go annoy the hell out of the boss, because THAT SEEMS TO BE ALL WE'RE GOOD FOR.

  • Damn it. Is everyone doing private stuff? Fuck it, lets go over to Ash and see what she's up to.

  • no the new plan is to pop in on charmed every other shift to see how their progress is going.

  • ?
  • Everyone is too busy. Let's go back and annoy them some more!

  • ?

    Hey.

  • Charmed is probably ready for us now.

  • I agree with this plan.

    Then, onward to Ashedel!

  • This plan cannot fail.

1147

Muschio:

What's all this yelling I'm hearing?
I guess you still haven't figured out a way to accurately move between us, yet?

Well, I suppose it's for the best you wound up with me. Finesse and I have arrived at the Red Mesas. We could have used your help earlier dealing with that troll bridge in the sparkling forest, but at least we didn't run into any elves.

The Red Mesas stretch out before me, rectangular windows carved through the rock, behind which many forms can be seen passing. Quite a populous area. And one seemingly in turmoil: war tents have been established around the outskirts of the settlement and armed guards patrol here.
I should tread carefully from here on out.

  • Look, it's one of those bugs Renamon had sex with

  • Troll Bridge? I thought trolls were extinct?

    Anyhow, yes tread with care, we need to ascertain who and what are the parties are here before we commit to a side.

  • Take your hat off as a sign of respect.
    Humbly request that you be led to K'miele, you are a cohort of Ridder and wish to have an audience with her.

  • Tell them that you wish for an audience with the matriarch.

  • Offer yourself as an ambassador to the King/Queen to discuss the war, then you can come and go as you please

1148

Muschio:

A single guard approaches me with a metal-headed combat staff.

"Hold it there, friend. I'm afraid this area is dangerous for the time being. We're in the middle of a war, and as a peacekeeper on the border to our neighbors I must advise against trading and tourism."

"I'm not here as a tourist. I'd like to request an audience with your leader."

"You're not a merc, are you?"

"No, sir. I am an ambassador. I'd like to see your leader."

"...well, I'll see what we can do. The West End here's controlled by the Matriarch, so I assume you're here to see her, right? I can take you to her palace but it'll be up to the royal guards if you can get an audience. She is a very busy woman."

  • Oh god, deja vu. Proceed.

  • These terms are acceptable.

  • Tell that it's acceptable. Follow after them.

  • Tell them that it's acceptable. Follow after them.

  • Tell them that is unacceptable, demand to be taken to the King first

  • inb4 tricked into sex with ant lady

  • Be on your best behavior, Muschio. Try not to offend them by grabbing their antennae and trying to ride them.

  • Say Boss. Uh, when you were younger, did you learn anything about mesa etiquette? Like, say, the proper customs to be observed before requesting an audience with the matriarch? Just in case someone tries to mess with you or something... you know... like tries to get you to do something demeaning or gross, making up some weird rule or the like...

    Not that something like that is likely to happen, but hey, just saying is all.

1149

Muschio:

I'm afraid that besides not tugging on their antennae I don't know much about their customs or taboos. The only direct contact I've really had is with that one ex-princess at the lake.

"You two wait here. Someone will be along for you shortly, and then if the Matriarch's available, you may have the opportunity for an audience with her sometime today."

I guess we'll just stay here then.

  • You don't suppose said princess was likely from this area do you? That info could come in handy.

  • take a quick peek behind curtain number 1, ya know just to pass the time

  • Stand there and look charismatic, intense and brooding. That should impress the spies hiding in the walls.

  • Hey uhh just totally off topic, Muschio, buddy, what do you think of these bug people so far? They seem nice enough don't they I mean yeah they seem okay to me

    Don't mind my rambling I just do that in awkward situations sometimes I MEAN I JUST DO IT SOMETIMES ANYWAY, WHY, DOES IT SEEM LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING AWKWARD GOING ON HERE

  • Compliment Finesse. Tell her that she's a sex bomb.

  • Best to steel yourself for anything then. Try to clear your mind, and get ready for anything... anything at all. You can't let them catch you off guard, no matter how shocking their customs may seem.

    Seriously, just assume you're going to be asked to drink some unknown liquid from a cup made of dung or something. They're insects, so who knows what kinds of crazy things they'll expect from you.

  • Oh I'm sure it won't be 'that' bad. Would be convenient if there were some benches to sit at. Mayhaps you should make smalltalk with your right hand lady to pass the time ehh?

1150

Muschio:

It is as you say, I suppose: I must be prepared for their customs, however alien. Even if it may seem strange, it is a small price to pay for the political power that stands to be gained here.

After a short while, three guards enter the room from one of the many curtained doorways, eyeing us in silence. Their gaze is intense, studying myself and Finesse, and I fight back an involuntary urge to shiver.

  • Go up to the lead one, give her a court bow and kiss her hand. Ask if you could get an audience with the Matriarch.

  • Introduce yourselves.

  • Tell them that you are a friend of Ridder here seeking an audience with the Matriarch.

  • ...

    Are you sure it's not okay to pull their antennae? Because right now, I'm thinking "give those suckers a good yank".

    Barring that, bow, introduce yourself politely, and "inquire who it is you are addressing".

  • Ask them about your good friend Ridder, knowing what he put into their diplomatic areas could be a good place to start.

  • I don't think it's a good idea to mention Ridder. Ridder was gathering forces for the purposes of opposing, well, us. It's probably best to avoid mentioning him unless it becomes prevalent to do so... or at least blatantly advantageous.

1151

Muschio:

Perhaps it is not a good idea to mention Ridder, at least not yet. I don't know exactly what kind of an impression he left on them, or how memorable his visit here was. For now I should play my cards close to my chest.

I bow respectfully and try not to sound nervous before their harsh gaze.
"Greetings. My name is Muschio Malto, and this is Finesse. We have come as ambassadors, and are awaiting the royal guard to admit us to an audience with the Matriarch. Would that be you?"

The guards stare quietly for a few more moments, then exchange glances, sizing up the situation. The one with a blind eye speaks first.

"Yes, that is us."
"Certainly. First, we must thank you for waiting."
"Indeed. However.."
"..As you must understand, we can not let anyone walk into the same room as the other advisers and the Matriarch at random."
"That's right. You will have to prove your dedication to our cause."
"Do not be alarmed. This is part security measure and part tradition."
"A very ancient one. Please understand we can not avoid it."
"Do you agree?"

  • Be suave and polite boss, that voodoo that youdoo so well.

  • Tell them that you can hardly refuse when such lovely ladies ask you.

    Turn on your charm and sauve to the max. Bodyguards can be damn important to get on your good side, if they like you then you have a way to get the matriarch to listen to you and you gain a way to influence you.

  • I'm afraid I'm not 'just anyone', and I can hardly prove dedication to a cause I know nothing of now can I?

  • Try to convince them to let Finesse come with you since she is you adviser/right-hand woman when they deny inquire why

  • [Switch to Finesse]
    If they try to split you up, insist that that your place is at your 'mate's side.
    No, really.

    [Switch back to Muschio]
    As much as we want to respect their customs, we need to stick together. Finny knows what to do if they try to split you up, so just follow her lead.

  • Just agree to it, I am confident in your abilities.

  • ridder has one of these bug people in his employ, so he must have been on better then neutral terms.

  • Well we can't very well refuse NOW, can we?
    We have a task to complete and no weird bug ritual is going to stop us!

  • Pick up that idiot ball. Agree unconditionally.

    Or, alternatively, inform them that as ambassadors, that you are unable to commit to anything as concrete as commitment to their cause without first obtaining further information about what you'd be committing to, as well as conferring with, uh, your leader in the event that their requests exceed your ambassadorial authority. >.>

  • "I agree completely. Trust is something that must be earned and maintained for allies to flourish...

    Examined. Nurtured. Revisited.
    And may any pathetic Gods one chooses to believe in help the damned soul that ever breaks that bond with me...

    Now, ladies, shall we?"

1152

Muschio:

Very well. I suppose a good impression on the Royal Guard would go a long way to fostering good relations in this area. The least we can do is show our trustworthiness.

I nod.
"I agree completely. Trust is something that must be earned and maintained for allies to flourish..."
One of them smiles softly, but the others retain their stonefaced expressions.

"Excellent. Please, come with us. It's right this way."

I begin forward.

"I'm sorry -- not you. Her."

I glance to Finesse, who in turn looks back to me.
"Guess we're counting on you here, Finesse."

you can hardly refuse when such lovely ladies ask you.

What are you talking about? Even from their voices alone, they're clearly all men.

  • Assure them that any task required can be performed by you. Finesse is just your underling, you are the one that needs to prove your trust.

  • How is 'she' needed to prove 'my' loyalty?

  • Uh oh. Well, good luck with that Finesse. Maybe you just have to beat them at a rousing game of checkers.

  • well, lets warn her about whats gonna go down; however im not sure this is the best course, this would give Finesse political power and not Muschio guess we could just let Finesse do all the work while we go to the kings place and do something, or we could just call their bullshit preemptively

  • Men? Really?

    I mean, Of Course they're men. This is so obvious, that any indication to the contrary would surely cause you to blurt something awkward and hilarious.

    Go along with them, and carry yourself proudly. Don't be afraid to swagger either. These are your future subjects after all.

  • WARNING WARNING
    DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER.

  • Mushio, you shouldn't judge them by your standards. For all you know female bugpeople might have very masculine voices if they're part of the soldier caste or something.

    Anway, tell them that Finesse is only there as an advisor to you. You're the one with the authority to deal with them and the leader of this expedition. If anything is necessary to make them trust you then it is you that should do it, not your underling.

  • Nah boss, the boys have antenae that curl forward, the girls curl backward. It's like their only secondary sexual trait. Don't you remember your bug biology?

  • Okay sure whatever.

    Uh, damn. Should we try to switch to Finesse?

  • yeah, you are the one seeking an audience.

1153

Muschio:

"Finesse is my advisor. I am the visiting party -- I should be able to pass any test required myself."

"If it were that simple, ambassador, then it would be the Matriarch administering this test, not ourselves."

"Yes. We too are loyal under a greater power, and must answer to her."

"But we hold responsibilities and allegiance as well."

"Delegation is an important aspect of any political climate."

"Indeed. We must know that those loyal to you can be held accountable as well."

"I'm not entirely--"
Finesse glances up at me.

"Master, it's okay. You brought me along for a reason, right? If they need my cooperation for you to get an audience, I'll gladly do it. I have to help you."

  • [Switch to Finesse]
    Remember what I said? Politely decline unless Muschio can go with you.

    [Switch to Muschio]
    This is wrong. How is your subordinate supposed to prove your intentions? This is obviously a trick - they aren't guards at all!

  • Oh, well.
    We'll keep her out of trouble, then.
    [Switch to Finesse]

  • [Switch to Tislomer]
    HEY CHARMED HOW ARE YOU DOING

  • Tell Finesse that you appreciate it, and you would never have her go through something you weren't willing to do yourself. And you would actually spare her froma few things you would go through yourself.

    Ask them to please be careful with her because she's very important to you.

    If we can get it right boss we're gonna switch over to her for this and make sure nothing bad happens. Stand there and look imposing or something while this is going down.

  • "If it were that simple, ambassador, then it would be the Matriarch administering this test, not ourselves."

    Ask them to clarify what they mean by this. Also remember to note that we are representing ourselves not some other power.

  • [Switch to Iesgip] God, our aim is so off today! Sorry!
    [Switch to Finesse possibly]

  • i think it's time to namedrop ridder. he did not mention a test.

  • I fully expect someone to have a black eye before this day is over.

  • Steal a page from Ona.

    "...this isn't one of those rape things, is it?"

  • this is also a good point, anything the matriarch does would even more firmly cement your loyalty then anything they could do.

  • You guys, that switching thing doesn't work. Stop it.

    Also, let Finesse do it already. Don't be rude; you are their guest here.

  • Let her. Remind her where you'll be.

  • Well, I suppose if it's necessary. It's only polite to comply, and I'm sure whatever it is we can trust Finesse.

  • I don't think they'll take no for an answer, so you'll have to agree.

    Frown incredulously, and hesitate before agreeing to their terms. Make your suspicion obvious but deniable.

  • Hey Muschio, when some female members of this group tried this with Ridder, it was to trick him into some sex.

    What do you suppose some male members of the same group, following that same pattern, want with Finesse?

  • We can't use that information. WE ARE NOT THE SAME VOICES.

  • Do we have the information about the 'name' of this chapter, or is that even more metagamey?

  • Even more.

    Hey Boss, you ever wonder how bugs do it?

  • Psh. THE ORB OF INFINITE PSYCHE IS ALL-KNOWING AND ALL-SEEING.

  • You may want to press this. It is most unusual that an aide would be subjected to a ritual in order for the ambassador to gain an audience, especially if they continue to dodge any description of what this ritual entails. Remember that you can always visit the Patriarchy, and a mention of the princess K'miele would serve to rapidly bypass any bureaucracy.

  • (Modified version of whatever I posted in the Dis thread, because is suggestiony)

    They wanna test your subordinate to let you talk to them, and say its a test on you? That doesn't makes much sense to me -- what would they do if you didn't brought her? What did Ridder said about these guys?

    I wonder what would be the effect of dropping Ridder's name in this situation.

    Hey.

    I just remembered, if they're just trying to separate Finnie from us, they can't. We can jump in to monitor Finesse through this 'test'.

  • "Surely we must both be tested to prove our loyalty, then."

  • I say we go with it, and if ANYTHING happens, we alert Muschio. Though if they do try something, we can use it as leverage against them.....

  • Damn. If you refuse, they can just tell you to piss off, but if you let Finesse go, you risk losing your gadgeteer and closest minoin...

    If it is a test of loyalty, though, she certainly is the one to take it, I doubt even Ridder is as loyal (even before the unfortunate...erm...situation).

    I say, let her go, but keep an eye on her through us, as frequently as possible.

  • Remember. Without knowledge from Ridder or his bug ally; treddibg carefully is a good decision. If they're going only per person, it becomes skewed. They can abuse loyalties (just as many soldiers teand to rape)

    You can bluff, of course, and claim Ridder sent you. That should pass for something. If these people are loyal as they are to thier matriarch, that bug with ridder must be an ambassador or something.
    It'll save time, and reduce risk.

  • They stab their thoraxen0r into your belly, pump it full of juice, then it's absorbed into your bloodstream and becomes eggs no matter where they end up?

    norly, not kidding. https://www.aboutbugsbugsbugs.com/bedbugs/biology.htm
    https://www.pnas.org/content/98/10/5683.full
    LETS LEARNAN MISTA MUSCHIO!

  • eeeeuuuw, lets not and say we did.

1154

Muschio:

Yes, you may be right. I personally don't see it as unreasonable that they'd want to test my abilities as a leader -- admirable as those skills may be -- but the delegation shouldn't be underestimated. Finesse seems perfectly capable of taking care of herself and she said she was fine with this duty, so I will let her go.
However, as you say, it is probably best for you all to keep an eye on her while she's away. I just don't want any trouble, for anyone.

Not yet, anyway.

  • Drop everything, you need to grab that Taxi Rabbit.

  • Wave to the nice taxirabbit.

  • CATCH DAT FUKKEN TAXI RABBIT

  • Hey, that's that smoking bunny from the tower. Go over to her and talk with her a bit while we keep tabs on Finesse. You can ask her if she knows Ona.

  • Totally ignore our insistence that you speak with the rabbit with the hat, and just send us to Finesse.

  • no you fools, the rabbit is a distaction! talk to the bugs in the robes.

    and send us to finnie.

  • So... let me get this straight. Last quest image was 20 days ago, yet when a new one gets posted it takes just ONE minute for two replies? Wow.

    Well, since we're waiting for our audience let's enjoy the local scenery, amuse ourself and relax. What are the other guests doing while they wait?

  • (he announced the update on IRC)

  • Taxi Rabbit. Do it.

  • Pretty sure it's a her.

  • Hardy har.

  • Send us off and say hi to that rabbit that you previously rescued at the tower.

  • Taxi Rabbit! Come on boss, you've earned it.

1155

Finesse:

What rabbit?

  • We saw somebody we recognized. Suggested the boss recruit them or at least get an update on their life (considering we kinda saved it.)

    Erh so... what do they want from you here Finnie?

  • Some guard he caught smoking weed over at Coriander's place, or a thief, a really bad thief. We're not sure.

  • ?

    FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

    Oh hi Finny what's up. You look rather nervous, why?

  • It's always wise to be on watch for rabbits, Finesse. Whether they be the kind you eat or the kind that kill you with big nasty teeth. Also white rabbits, and lucky rabbits, and the metaphorical... Ah, forget it.

    What do you think of this situation? Seems a bit suspicious to me.

1156

Finesse:

It doesn't seem very suspicious to me. But even if it is, I don't mind. I have to get master Muschio in to see the Matriarch. We've come all this way, he would be very angry with me if we had to turn back because I couldn't pass a test. So I'm more than willing to do what it will take.

They lead me to a small room off at the end of one of the nice halls, with a cozy looking bed and dark, rich red sheets.

One of them speaks up.

"This test is a thousand-year tradition in our society. And since you and your Leader seem like you really mean well, I'll tell you the story behind this tradition.

A long time ago, during the age of fire, lived the first two exoskeletons, the Matriarch and the Patriarch. The two warred endlessly over the vulcanos about who was the strongest. Yet after thousands of years the two began to forget why they were fighting. As the vulcanos died out, so did their battle. Finally, the two settled their differences and became friends. With the Patriarch and the Matriarch united, they could perform the union that would create all of civilization. They did so. But then a vulcano came to live again, and the Patriarch remembered why they fought. He grabbed a stone to strike down on the Matriarch, who, swollen with eggs, was unable to defend herself. But when he loomed over her, she pointed to the life that they had both created inside of her. The Patriarch could no longer attack, for to strike her, he would be striking himself.

Obviously our genes are not compatible enough to create offspring, but after thousands of years of tradition the gesture is what remains the most important."

1157

Finesse:

"So please. Surrender part of yourself through the act of copulation."

  • Erh what, No...

    I No...

    No,No,No...

    Multiple levels of no.

  • SO HOW 'BOUT THAT TEST YOU JUST SAID YOU HAD TO PASS HUH.

  • ?
  • Yeah right. This is probably some test of gullibility or something. Send us back to Muschio, this wasn't in the agreement. These bitches probably want to see if we're morons or not.

  • Lie back and think of Muschio. "Do what it takes", right?

    We'll just go check on, er, someone else.

  • So what, they want you to do all three of them? They all took their armor off, after all. Ask them why all three of them are nude now if it was just one Patriarch and one Matriarch. Why would they even have this tradition when the Matriarch and Patriarch are fighting? This is just silly, Finesse. I guess if you want to have sex with all three bugs at once you can, we won't judge you.

  • Traumatic insemination can't be THAT bad. Besides, you don't want to fail Muschio and be a giant failure who he will hate forever for letting him down and possibly getting him murdered.

  • "Ah, I am sorry, but it is forbidden for my people to engage in such acts outside of marriage, and I have already promised myself to another."

  • Say that this is all very flattering but that you're in a relationship already and it would oppose the very nature of the tradition to betray your mate.

  • that is the most retarded story i have ever heard. you are giving us a story about working together in the middle of a civil war? i call bullshit.

  • I'll judge her, assuming I don't just tell Muschio.

  • Whoops only one took his armor off. No foursome for you, Finesse, so you might as well not do any of them. Tell them you can only get it up for girls, you won't be able to get an erection for them.

  • Say you're a boy.

  • WAIT! IDEA!
    Collapse to your knees, start crying, and praise some deity or another.
    When they ask what it is, tell them that you thought nobody would ever lay with you again after a witch cursed you with Whore's Death.
    If they ask what that is, tell them that teeth protrude from your orifices any time you attempt to have sex, and their bite carries a necrotizing plague.

    They will backpedal, and they can't hold it against you either because they were the ones to back out.

  • Have a prolonged mental dilemma over whether it's worse to worsen your relationship with Muschio by failing to complete the task or to have sex with a bug. :vc

  • "I fear that outright copulation might be physically impossible, given that I'm a girl."

  • Hahaa oh wait I have an idea

    I HAVE AN IDEA

    Make copulation with you seem as unappealing as goblinly possible.

1158

Ona:

...weird. I feel like someone just walked over my grave

  • You have a grave?

  • DOMPAG IS BEHIND YOU.

    Hug him. It'll totally throw him off. :B

  • ONA THERE ARE BUGS ABOUT TO RAPE FINESSE TELL MUSCHIO RIGHT NOW
    also someone is at the door?

  • Say hello to that dreamy man in the doorway.

  • Ona I think Dompag is watching you masturbate

  • Do you know of a rabbit with a kick-ass hat? Always seems stoned?

1159

Finesse:

  • You did say no, right?

  • DAMMIT ALL THIS QUANTUM LEAPING IS MAKING ME DIZZY

  • Finesse

    Finesse what is going on tell us what is happening.

1160

Finesse:

snrk

  • Why are you still dressed? Muschio is going to be so disappointed.

  • Finnie
    ...
    Breath
    ...
    I think this counts as circumstances in which Muschio would most certainly approve of you backing up and getting back to that meeting room post haste.

    Now move.

1161

Finesse:

"HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAA! OH GOD! HA HA HA HA!
Oh, oh my god. Wow.
Wow.

That is the biggest load of horseshit I have ever heard in my life.
What, do you think I was born yesterday?
Hahaha!

Do people actually fall for that?
What kind of a gullible rube would believe that bullshit?!"

  • Is it really that small?

  • Oh right. This is Finesse, not gullible Ridder.

  • Hooray! Our warnings were needless!

  • Dem bug peoples man... dey probably ain't known for independent thinken.

    Guess they figured you would 'go with the flow'. Also, question is his bugparts really as hilarious as I would imagine? I mean, look at their noses, noses? on a bug?

  • Tell them that you'll tell everyone about how these guys treat diplomats unless they do exactly what you say.

  • If they agree you might get that foursome you wanted after all.

  • Try to keep it somewhat diplomatic, Finesse.

1162

Muschio:

Finesse sure has been gone a while.
I hope everything's okay.

  • MUSCHIO. TAXI RABBIT. GO.

  • That face is just adorable, you should make it more often.

  • She's fine last we saw... very clever girl too. Thinks for herself... not easily tricked.

  • WHERE IS THE TAXI RABBIT MUSCHIO
    YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE A TAXI RABBIT

  • Maybe you should check on her. Be sneaky.

  • Oh, they tried to rape her, and in the end she wound up laughing at their feeble attempts.

    She's definitely queen material; you should marry that girl.

1163

Muschio:

Yes, she certainly seems strong-willed. I'm sure she's capable of p-

Oh, they're back. One of the bugfolk guards has returned with her. He speaks:

"Your loyal assistant has passed the test with flying colors. But... I'm afraid that uh there is one more test. Still."

"Master Muschio... I'm sorry, I tried to bargain with them, but they insisted on this last test."

  • Alright, ask what it is.

  • Well Finesse did her best on her test! You can do it boss!

  • Okay, so, what's this new test?

  • They're nervous, a sign on weakness, good.

  • The final test: Demonstrate your love for your followers.

    You know what that means.

    Awww yeah.

1164

Finesse:

"In order to prove the bond between you and your subordinate is real... that you can be, uh, trusted as an... as a leader capable of handling interpersonal responsibility and... professional..."

"They say you have to kiss me~"

  • "Oh thank heavens, I thought it would be something silly like having to have sex with you. Good thing it isn't!"

    Then be an epic troll and kiss her on the forehead.

  • No helping it! Put as much passion into it as you can, since they're grading you on your performance.

  • ...how can you resist that face, Muschio? I don't care if she's trying to manipulate you.

    KISS HER DAMMIT. She deserves a reward for passing the test so well!

  • Snrk

  • Okay this is obviously just Finesse playing a trick on you. Blow a raspberry at her and waltz past, you don't want to encourage her crush.

  • whelp, a test is a test. do your best.

  • ?

    DO IT FAGGOT

  • Seems she passed the test quite well... listen to that bugman stutter. Probably pulled some clever diplomatic arm-twisting for this.

    Give the girl a kiss. Not too deep mind, don't want to make her swoon now do we?

1165

Finesse:

"Very well. If that is the proof you require, I shall not hesitate."

...

...

...ah~

peck

1166

Finesse:

ah... ah~♥

M-m... Master...

...

...

1167

Finesse:

....eh?!

"Very well. Come with us, the Matriarch will see you now."

"Good! Come along now, Finesse."

...eh?!

"B-but... th-that wasn't a good enough kiss!"

"I don't know, they seem to be satisfied with the display."

  • Yaaaaaay!

  • Take what you can get, Finesse.

  • Easy come easy go.

  • Finesse you're going to have to take matters into your own hands. Jump up on Muschio and stick your tongue down his throat.

  • Bah, just tell him that it was your first kiss, and he has to take responsibility.

  • Can't cheat your way into that first kiss milady...

  • Sorry Finesse, we tried. Well, MOST OF US tried >:(

    Maybe you can seduce him later, if you get a private room~

  • Inform Muschio later that a peck on the forehead is symbolic of engagement in goblin culture. He just proposed, and you gladly accept.

  • Hey, at least it's the first time he's actually KISSED you!
    Even if it wasn't a 'tongue wrestling' kiss, he didn't hesitate and actually showed some affection =D

  • Here's something to cheer you up. You know how, after an overwhelming success (especially one involving violence) Muschio tends to have sex with people? You're looking like the most viable candidate for that at the moment, what with being the only female on his side here. So all you have to do is make this an overwhelming success. Possibly with violence.

  • The boss can be quite a bit dense at times. You might have to attempt a much more direct approach and take matters into your own hands here, make sure he doesn't have any choice but to go through with it.

  • erm... Muschio appears to be quite skilled in knowing about cultures and races. He ain't gonna be fooled by that.

    Kinda makes sense considering he's a prince...

  • D'awww, poor Finesse. So close yet so far.

  • Don't worry Finesse, he probably just made it a quick peck because he doesn't want to embarrass you in front of strangers, especially on a diplomatic mission.

1168

Muschio:

The guards lead us down another hall, past some heavily-armed soldiers, and finally into a cramped hall that appears to have been refitted to serve as a war room. The noise and heat in here is overwhelming, and were it not for my experience in the matter, I would find the constant din of a dozen voices clouding my thoughts.

The guard bows politely, introduces me as "Muschio, the foreign power", and after a quick glance from the room, everything returns to the way it was. The room's occupants hardly seem to have even acknowledged our presence.

A large war table has been established here with some sort of strategic map. Countless hands dance and play over it, tapping out signals, pointing to locales, sliding miniature pieces from place to place. I can barely focus on what any of the numerous strategists are saying. Some war planning about a tunnel or something.

1169

Muschio:

As for the Matriarch herself, she's the most silent person in the room -- a calm and dignified statue sitting on a simple throne with a plain tiara crown atop her head. She looks to me with eyes somehow distant, and smiles a smile I know from my childhood. A forced, sad smile of pained nobility.

There's something so tragic in her face.

...it's strange.
Maybe it's just that I have trouble telling them apart, but... I almost feel as though I've seen her before, in another life.

  • So that was probably her daughter you met then.

    or something

  • Oh my god it's Taxi Rabbit. Taxi Rabbit is the queen.
    Bow your head to the queen Taxi Rabbit.

  • Go talk to her. It seems fairly obvious to me that the military people in here are pricks and should be bypassed. Perhaps you should ask about K'miele too.

  • yes, she isn't in the conversation the others are having at all. so just cut the crap and talk directly to her.

  • >>/questarch/96081
    She wouldn't be missing a daughter named K'miele, would she?

  • You need to appear magnanimous while starting negotiations from a strong position.
    You need to use what you know as leverage to start strong. It's a bit tricky, but you have the charisma to pull it off.
    Of course, the first step is a little odd; you need to 'mistake' her for her daughter.
    "K'miele? Is that you?"

1170

Muschio:

Yes... I suppose it's a longshot, but I may as well use any opportunity that presents itself.

"I beg your pardon, your majesty, but... you wouldn't happen to know a K'miele, would you?"

"Ah, you m--"

Her advisers instantly lean in, between us.

"That's Matriarch K'miele to you."

"Yes, don't address her grace by her first name."

"You are in the Matriarch's court, young man."

"Please use the proper title in addressing her majesty."

  • "EXCUSE ME! but your matriarch was about to say something, until you rudely interrupted her. i am amazed you would so flagrantly disrespect her!"

  • Lock them in your most intense glare.

  • Glare at her attendants like they're homeless bums trying to clean your shoes with dirty rags so you won't notice them stealing your wallet.
    "You would dare to speak over your matriarch?
    When royalty speaks all others hold their tongues; if not in their mouths, then in their hands."
    Leave them with no uncertainty that you are perfectly willing to cut out their tongues for speaking out of turn.

    Then turn back to the Matriarch. If you can wink at her without somebody else noticing, then do so.
    "It has been too long, M'Lady K'miele. When you said you used to be a princess I had a rather different meaning in mind. I trust you are well?"

  • Really!

  • "Yes I am clearly ignorant of some of the proper etiquette here and I do apologize. But if you to correct my every omission and error I'll be here all day. The Matriarchs time is more valuable than that, is it not? I promise I mean for no disrespect to her highness or her court but perhaps I might be allowed to speak plainly and without interruption?

    May I, your highness?"

  • They DARE to lecture you on protocol?

    Time to try and out-protocol them.

    "Of course, but how would I, a foreign power, have known the esteemed position of your lady with only a name to go by? I meant no offense. Is it not a greater fault to interrupt her majesty, though? I am but a foreign power, though. What do I know of protocol, yes?"

  • Yes! YES! Tell these sniveling courtwretches to hold their tongues when 'Important people' are speaking.

  • Use DIPLOMACY on BUGS.

  • It may be awkward, but bringing up your former companionship with Ridder may be a good idea.

    A friend of a friend can be trusted more than a stranger. right?

  • If the her aides are as bold as to cut their own queen off, I doubt they would allow their queen to speak freely if we ask them to let her. We should not be any more disrespectful by making demands in their court.

    But, she clearly recognizes K'miele and wants to say something regard the matter. It would be most prudent if we could talk to the queen in private about K'miele where her advisers will not hound us; no doubt they will protest to leaving the queen alone with us, so we'll let her keep all her cohorts as they are no doubt more considerate and respectful than the queen's overzealous dogs.

    Apologize for speaking out of turn, and ask if everyone except Her Highness, Muschio, and the royal guards would kindly leave.

  • This seems pretty much ideal to me.

  • Muchio: Punch attendants in mandibles to establish superiority.

  • Our prince is DEVILISHLY BADASS, but he is a
    noble and gentleman; acting that way is
    uncouth, impolite, and unbecoming of someone
    with Muschio's pedigree.

    If you want to get to K'miele, I think



    are refined ways to go about it.

  • ...you guys realize that K'miele IS THE QUEEN, right? The advisers said it was rude to address her by her name.

  • Glare scornfully at these fucking nobles. "Who are you to interrupt your Matriarch? You say I lack proper manners and then you cut Her Grace off mid-sentence."

  • Muschio is not in error here. He is royalty.

    Furthermore, Muschio is not a big fan of folks who be usurping royal power, even if they do it merely by talking over their queen.

  • We got that. We're just annoyed that the attendants all leapt on Muschio in a blatant display of hypocrisy. If Matriarch K'miele wants us to be respectful, I doubt any of us will oppose. We'd just like her attendants to offer her the same courtesy.

  • Normally people would respond with "yes, that's me". She sounded like she was about to say "Ah, you mean..." or "Ah, you met...".
    Maybe K'miele is a name she shares with a family member.
    Maybe the advisors interrupted us because she's a replacement for the real matriarch and they need to keep up appearances.
    Maybe I'm guessing too much.

  • I applaud you; you're smarter than the rest of us ):

1171

Muschio:

You're absolutely right. The court is no place for the insolence of such meddling advisers.

"You'll excuse me for being blunt, but I was addressing the Matriarch, not yourselves. Perhaps in this Court you hold little respect for your superiors but where I come from it was a grave misstep to ever speak over your esteemed ruler. This discussion is between myself and the Matriarch. And if you dare speak over your Queen again I will have to request you leave the room. My matters are urgent, and I have no time for those who do now know when to hold their tongues."

1172

Muschio:

  • Hell yeah.

  • Maintain glare.

  • oh man, they are so shocked, good job!

  • Continue looking as hard-boiled as you can.

  • Say "...sorry, it's been a hard week." it'll soften the impact of your previous speech without impeding the point.

1173

Muschio:

"What insolence!"

...I suddenly get the feeling that didn't go over so well.

"This man is an absolute brute!"

"A presumptuous ogre!"

"Did you hear how he addressed our Queen?!"

"I've never seen such rudeness!"

"Throw the brute out!"

"Your grace, we demand you sort this fool out!"

"Yes! Lay the hammer down, your majesty!"

"Your honor demands it!"

  • Just look at her.

    With any luck she'll know what to do.

  • HA, you are fine, THEY want to throw you out but the queen is the one in charge. she just has to say no and you are golden.

  • Maintain your p-p-pokerface.

  • Stay true to your word. Request that they leave the room.

  • "Thoughts, Your Majesty?"

  • Brush the one holding you off.

    "If the QUEEN wishes it, I shall leave. But you advisors hold no command over me, only your ruler."

  • They are probably just testing whether you can be intimidated that easily. They are searching for a ruthless man, so push that guard nearby away, making a disgusted face.

  • "Is she not her own person?! I was addressing YOU in that comment, if you cannot shut up and let her speak, you are speaking for her. You are advisers meant to help the queen, not be the queen."

  • I don't think the advisors know that you're royalty, Muschio.

    Perhaps the Matriarch has figured it out by now though...

1174

Muschio:

Everyone in the room turns to the Matriarch, myself included.

She rises, an expression of harsh but controlled anger on her face.

"Sir, I don't know who you think you are, but no one may speak to me that way in my own court."

A small round of approval circles the table. The advisers murmur their agreement and support of their Queen.

The Matriarch glances once to them, then to me. She rises from her throne, pacing back toward a heavy black steel door set in the back of the room. The advisers hush themselves and their murmurs quiet, but this gesture means nothing to me. One of the advisers speaks up softly.

"Your majesty, with all respect... are you sure this is deserved?"

She glances coldly back at me as she steps toward the door.

"As you said, I should bring the hammer down. I'm going to see this comes to justice myself. Sir. Come with me, or I'll have the guards bring you by force."

  • Welp... lets get going.

  • Gosh, she is really afraid of her advisors.
    Go with her willingly, of course. We'll get to be with her in private.
    Don't take your dick out unless she asks you to.

  • oh, she wants to talk to you alone but is putting on a show. follow.

  • "Yes your majesty"

  • Seems like there's something she doesn't want the advisors to see. Better follow her.

  • Follow the queen. Sounds like she has some important stuff to tell.

  • "Of course, your majesty." Respectful, while implying that we would never have desired to go against what she said, thus causing us to not appear cowed, while still appearing (and, in fact, being) entirely respectful.

  • Maybe she's just a fake queen and only now you are allowed to see the real one.

  • We'd better go along with it.

  • Follow her, try not to say anything.

1175

Muschio:

At the Matriarch's behest, I follow her into the dark metal door, leaving Finesse behind. Thankfully, the advisers don't seem to mind her.

As my eyes adjust to the dark chamber beyond, its walls of smoothed, solid stone, reinforced at set points and set with steel joists which separate marked cages and cells, a slow but palpable feeling of apprehension crosses over me.

This is not, in fact, a private meeting room. It is a prison.
By all appearances, one where political prisoners are kept.

  • roll with it, you can probably escape should you need to.

  • you are gonna have to trust her. why would she take you in here alone?

  • Oh dear... this could get real bad real fast. Remember your wristdarter if things start looking grim.

  • I think right about now is when we explain who we are, and apologize if we offended her.

  • She just wants you to meet somebody who is down here. Why else would she lead you there alone?

  • Don't shoot her, you can probably fuck your way out of this if it goes bad.

  • If she wanted anything but privacy, there'd be some guards here. Prepare for an informative info dump.

  • You want to avoid violence if at all possible, but be ready to fight if you have to!

  • Either she can fight like hell, in which case she doesn't NEED guards, or she's taking you to see someone. Go with her, but if she takes you to a completely bare cell it might not be a good idea to go in it just yet...

  • The queen wishes to make sweet sweet insect love to you.

    Sweat uncontrollably.

  • Time for some more confidence. If she wanted to imprison you, she would have had the guards follow you. It's pretty likely that this is a show for the others, and that she wants to talk alone.

    Let her speak first. Don't start babbling apologies though. That would be wimpy, especially since you don't know if you should apologize yet or not.

    Also,

    Seriously, don't go into an empty cell.

1176

Muschio:

"Your majesty, I do hope that when-mmh!"

  • oh wow, yeah, i think you just got an ally. kiss her back, she is a queen.

  • Oh great, it's one of those rape things, isn't it?

  • Woah, try not to let her mandibles too far down your throat.

  • Use tongue.

  • Just relax and let her do her thing.

  • ...proceed.

  • You must be polite and return the gesture. But don't allow this to get out of hand, it could impede our goals.

  • uuuh.... score!

    I guess....

  • I guess return the gesture, but dont get too into it. You have to remain catious. And remember Finesse...

  • It is possible she's always wanted someone to say that to her advisers...

  • obviously that's just a friendly royal kiss on the lips, and due to our poor chrono-sense it looks like a longer kiss...

    or if its not, see, backbone is sexy! although I had assumed your being dragged here was for a chat, not a kiss.

  • Her eyes are closed, that indicates that she's into it. So does the way she's holding her body relative to him, and that one's not likely to be faked.

  • oh, I know. I just like being contrarian at times. It could be more innocent then we know anyways.

  • By the way, boss, it seems that these people practice Rishathra. Sorry for not warning you ahead of time, but you're going to have to indulge her a little to establish trust.

  • Err you probably don't this to go anywhere even more awkward. Going along with this and turning her down are both dangerous options, lets get her to stop without offending:

    "I know I was seeking diplomatic relations, but this isn't quite what I intended. May I... ask for an explanation, your highness?"

  • Well don't be rude, now. Let her finish! And would it kill ya to at least make it a nice kiss?

    This might be one of those 'bug culture' things. (Heh heh heh)

  • I get the feeling she rather appreciated that.
    Go on! Kiss her back!

  • Me likes this dialouge.

  • "It's good to see you too, K'miele."

  • It must be some form of bug greeting tradition... don't get any ideas.

  • Make love to her and have unimaginably hideous children.

  • Get out of her grip so you can point dramatically and shout "OBJECTION!"

  • They are both different race, No children could be produced as they have too much genetic variation. It's basically natures condom, so have fun brosef.

  • Proceed.

  • It must be great to be rawdoggin' all the time in fictional universes.

  • Except when you get herpes.

  • Awww yeah, nobody can resist that good old malto charm.

    Don't disappoint her now Mushio, make sweet sweet love to her. Good enough that she's willing to just hand over her crown to you.

  • Good thing healing magic exists in this setting.

1177

Muschio:

After a moment, she breaks the surprisingly powerful kiss and quickly turns away. A million thoughts run through my head, but before I can decide on what to say, she speaks up, quietly:

"...I'm sorry. I hope you'll excuse me. It's just..."

She removes her tiara gently, staring into the dark room.

"...it's been so long."

My mind is astir with strange thoughts.

"I'm grateful for a chance to speak away from the Consul. Please, speak freely here."

  • It'd be polite to inquire how she's been and what's happened to her since you last met.

  • Still frozen to the spot? I bet you made for a lousy kiss.

    Snap out of it and give her a proper sweep-her-off-her-feet one. Dramatic conventions require it.

  • "Why does the council hold such power over you that we must speak in private? Can you not exert your status and cease their childish prattle?"

  • Tell her that it was no imposition, it was in fact rather nice. And you did come to offer your services to her cause, you just didn't expect that one.

    Ok, time to tell her why you're there and stuff as well. And ask he why she allows her advisors to run roughshood all over her, they should damn well serve her, and if they don't then one or two might have to met the headsman for a height reducement.

  • She's just... lonely, then. Say nothing else of it, and explain who you are and what you're about and all that.

  • I can think of a few things...

    -What started your war?
    -What will end your war?
    -Who the heck is K'miele?

1178

Muschio:

"Please, don't worry about it. To be honest, I'm more surprised by other developments since last we met. You said that you used to be a princess once... I expected exile or perhaps usurpation was the reason you no longer held the title. I never expected it was because you had ascended to Queen."

"And I believed you were a Monk, but evidently I misjudged you as well. First impressions can be quite deceiving sometimes, can't they?"

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. I remember thinking that you reminded me of the nobility I knew in my better days. And so I must ask -- how is it your consulate is allowed to hold such power over you? I confess I know little of this region but I was under the impression the King and Queen held absolute rule."

She sighs softly. Even this has that smooth, almost melodious quality to it. Her appearance is so drastically different from her lyrical voice, it would be jarring if it weren't so beautiful.

"Muschio... it is a sad and complex state of affairs you need not be tangled up in. Please, tell me why you've come."

"The truth is, K'miele, that is why I've come. I traveled here to offer any help I can provide, in return for the same. Consider it a sort of allegiance, founded on goodwill and mutual assistance."

She pauses again, not turning.

"Do you really wish to know?"

  • Go over there and look her in the eyes and simply say yes.

  • "Certainly"

  • NAH LET'S JUST CALL IT A DAY AND HEAD HOME

  • Wait, SHE'S K'miele?!

    Anyways, say yes. You need to know, and more importantly, WE need to know.

  • Heck yeah, we really want to know! She can't just tease us with an intro to an interesting backstory!

  • Why do you let your council rule over you. You obviously do not like them, yet you fake to have their favor.

    Why are you afraid of your advisors when you are the queen?

1179

Muschio:

"I didn't come all this way just to give up. I want to help you, K'miele. You helped me sort things out, and I want to return the favor."

She looks me in the eyes with that same sad, quiet look she had at the lake.

"The Patriarch -- the man I'm at war with -- the only reason he and I ever came together was to procreate. The royal lineage had to continue. Such is the way things. We ruled together for a time, but when no child came, trouble began to brew. Each of us backed by half of our shared consulate, we split into two warring sides and began this grab for power."

"And now the whole nation is consumed in this conflict?"

"Everyone has taken a side. My consulate and all our forces are behind this war, ready to pour into it everything they have."

"Do you think you can't win?"

"That's not it at all. Muschio, I don't want to win."

"Then what do you want?"

She looks at me softly, unable to force a smile this time.

"I want my husband back."

1180

Muschio:

"All this over a marriage that began with us as strangers, and a child that never came. But I don't care, Muschio. When we met, he and I were strangers.

But I love him.

And I want him back.

Nothing can change how I feel... not the consulate, not even the consensus of my own people.

All I want is for us to have a life together again. I wish that were possible. We could just be happy together, again. We don't have to breed."