Purpose: I've been answering questions for the USENET Oracle, when his
nibs is a bit too busy to give his omniscience out to us commoners.
Some people think what I've written is funny, or entertaining, or in the
highest praise of Steve Willer, "doesn't make me angry." I've been trying
to answer at least a question a day, to keep my mind sharp. Sometimes
I'll even do research to answer the question
properly. Sometimes I'll just insult them.
January 2002 Goal: The year's up; and in one way, I failed.
I didn't make it to 200 in a year.
However, the true purpose has been a success. Like many things in
life, the point wasn't to reach the destination, it was the journey. The
true purpose was to improve my writing skills, and to create a large body
of writing. So, I may have failed in my goal, but the reason why I set
that goal has been more than satisfied. I've managed to have an answer
in the each of the last three Oracularities Digests of the year 2002, and
overall 23 of my 190-or-so oracularities were nominated for best-of
collections. I did well.
Final Progress: 196/260 (0.75) complete.
Goal: 200/260 (0.77) by end of year.
More News: Some people have been asking about the older Oracularities.
So now I've made the oracularities searchable:
Instructions: Click on the dates (in bright white) to read both
the question and answer
for that day. Some are marked as chosen to be published in the
Oracularities (a best-of digest, published irregularily).
(This is only the most recent 20. I'm up to 502
and that makes for a rather large webpage.)
>> Oh great oracle, who can settle a debate with his mere presence...
>> Are Power Rangers really a kind of anti-ninja? After all:
>> 1. Ninja wear black, Power Rangers wear bright colors.
>> 2. Ninja are numerous (and subject to the invirse ninja law), while
>> there are usually only 5 power rangers at a time.
>> 3. Ninjas are cool, Power Rangers arn't.
>> Is there anything else i'm missing?
>> Oh Oracle most wise,
>> Should I dress up as Candlejack for Halloween?
>> Great and Gelatinous Oracle, you are so old that you remember things
>> that didn't even happen, like when your grandmother fell into the soup.
>> Or was that my grandmother? Do Oracles have grandmothers?
>> Dear Racle,
>> I am having trouble writing my dissertation. Can you assist? It's
>> about something.
>> Dearest oracle=2C please tell me how I will die=2C when=2C and where.
Published in the Oracularities issue #1445 (score:3.7)
>> I have just learned that I know nothing at all about the hazards of
>> microcosmic radiation. Please tell me what I should do.
>> From time to time, dear and thrilling Oracle, I send you elaborately
>> crafted questions containing more hooks and chuckles per cubic inch than
>> Uncle Miltie put together.
>> From time to time you absorb these queries with aplomb, and delightful
>> answers (loaded with connexions to the question) appear.
>> Other times some Philistine has filtered your sacred sayings, leaving
>> only the faintest hints of what must have been your onederful one-liners.
>> Yecch. The Oracle questioning the Supplicant! As if you were an
>> ingorant! Feh!!!
>> So what can I do to help?
>> What exactly is it about Chuck Norris that makes Chuck Norris so great?
>> Is it the Chuck? Is it the Norris? If it's the Chuck, doesn't that mean
>> that your worst enemy, a synonym for a groundhog, is in fact great
>> too? For all of our sakes, I hope that it is the Norris and not
>> the Chuck.
> O Oracle mighty please why
> Can't I look in my ear with my eye
> I'd sure love to do it
> If you'll talk me through it
> I know we'll succeed if we try.
> Oh mighty Oracle whose breath creates the wind, whose shine creates
> the light, whose feet shaped the world, please answer this lowly
> supplicant's question: are all the conspiracy theory nut-jobs in
>>Oh Oracle most wise,
>>How long are the intestines?
>>Be favorable, O Oracle, inspirer of frenzied women! We mortals
>>sing of you as we begin and as we end a brain straining task,
>>and none forgetting you may call out "Holy Toledo" and not be
>>smirked at by the other immortals.
>>Should I notice the single mother's advances?
>oh mighty oracle who knows all sees all and always changes your
>underwear every day! Please tell me:
>I used to be an incarnation quite a bit years ago, and was digested
>many times, did well and had fun. I thought I would start again, but
>all I can come up with are stupid answers, pointless reference and
>depressing commentary. are my days as a good oracle incarnation over
>and done with? how can I restore my connection to the wit and wisdom
>of the oracle?
>>Oracle most potent, whose wisdom none can contest
>>and few can fathom, pray consider these premises:
>>Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
>>Freedom means being empowered.
>>Can you, please, do the maths?
>>Most grand and wise oracle, why did Apple CEO Steve Jobs falll to the dark
>>Intel force when he might have gone AMD?
> What is the meaning with life?
>>Hark, wise Oracle, you are in tune with nature and science
>>How can I keep all these pesky Orcs away from my horses?
>>Wise Oracle most exalted and eminent, may honor, riches, long
>>continuance, bond price increasing, common supermarket-blessings,
>>and pay by the hourly joys be upon you!
>>What would be the most appreciated item to hand out to Trick-
>>or-Treaters this Halloween?
> how do I send you a question?
> Oh most indescibably groovy Oracle...
> Please state some answers to which there are no questions. Note that
> I have not phrased my request as a question.